Building Friendship: The Foundation of a Thriving Marriage
Summary
Today, we explored the profound significance of friendship within marriage, emphasizing that it is not merely a pleasant addition but a foundational necessity. Reflecting on the purpose of marriage, we understand it as a sacred covenant designed by God, where two individuals become one flesh, mirroring Christ's love for the church. This union is not just about fulfilling roles or responsibilities but about nurturing a deep, intentional connection that transcends mere functionality. Many marriages falter because they assume friendship will naturally occur, but true friendship in marriage requires deliberate pursuit and effort.
We shared practical insights to help cultivate this friendship, starting with the importance of being intentional about the home environment. A thriving marriage is supported by a home that fosters connection and intimacy, not just a place to live. We also discussed the power of turning towards one another, both physically and emotionally, to maintain closeness and address conflicts with humility and forgiveness. This involves truly seeing and valuing your spouse, finding joy in their joy, and prioritizing them over distractions like screens.
Moreover, we highlighted the significance of spending quality time together, as time is the currency of a thriving marriage. Consistent, intentional time spent together strengthens the bond and fosters deeper intimacy. Lastly, we encouraged couples to serve together, as this not only enriches the marriage but also extends its impact beyond the couple, reflecting God's love and purpose.
In conclusion, friendship in marriage is a divine calling that requires ongoing effort and intentionality. It is a reflection of God's relentless, sacrificial love for us, and when pursued with passion and purpose, it becomes a testament to His faithfulness and a beacon of hope to others.
Key Takeaways:
1. Friendship as a Foundation: Friendship in marriage is not a bonus but a foundational element. It requires intentional pursuit, as it cannot be assumed. This friendship reflects the deep unity and sacrificial love that God intends for marriage, mirroring Christ's relationship with the church. [05:16]
2. Intentional Home Environment: The home environment plays a crucial role in nurturing or hindering a marriage. Being intentional about creating a space that fosters connection and intimacy is vital. This involves setting rhythms of rest and connection that prioritize the marriage over other distractions. [21:38]
3. Turning Towards Each Other: The natural drift in marriage is away from the spouse, especially amidst life's busyness. Choosing to turn towards each other, both physically and emotionally, is essential for maintaining closeness and addressing conflicts with grace and humility. [24:39]
4. Time as a Currency: Quality time together is irreplaceable in a thriving marriage. Consistent, intentional time spent together strengthens the bond and fosters deeper intimacy. This involves creating daily connection rituals and prioritizing time together over other commitments. [33:51]
5. Serving Together: Serving together as a couple enriches the marriage and extends its impact beyond the couple. It reflects God's love and purpose, and when pursued with passion and purpose, it becomes a testament to His faithfulness and a beacon of hope to others. [38:48]
Youtube Chapters:
- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:45] - Introduction to Marriage and Friendship
- [02:30] - Observing Friendship in Couples
- [05:16] - The Purpose of Marriage
- [09:33] - Expectations vs. Connection
- [14:22] - Marriage as a Covenant
- [19:33] - Friendship as a Foundation
- [21:38] - Intentional Home Environment
- [24:39] - Turning Towards Each Other
- [29:34] - Finding Joy in Each Other
- [33:51] - Time as a Currency
- [38:48] - Serving Together
- [41:52] - Prayer and Blessing for Marriages
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: Friendship in Marriage
Bible Reading:
1. Genesis 2:24 - "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
2. Ephesians 5:25-33 - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."
3. Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."
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Observation Questions:
1. According to Genesis 2:24, what does it mean for a man and woman to become "one flesh"? How does this concept relate to the idea of friendship in marriage? [19:33]
2. In Ephesians 5, Paul describes the relationship between husbands and wives. What specific actions are husbands called to take, and how do these actions reflect Christ's love for the church? [14:22]
3. The sermon mentioned that many marriages drift towards functionality at the cost of friendship. What are some examples given in the sermon that illustrate this drift? [09:33]
4. Proverbs 17:17 was highlighted in the sermon. How does this verse relate to the idea of turning towards one another in marriage? [24:39]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the concept of "one flesh" in Genesis 2:24 challenge the modern understanding of individuality within marriage? What implications does this have for nurturing friendship in marriage? [19:33]
2. Ephesians 5 calls for mutual submission out of reverence for Christ. How might this mutual submission look in a practical, everyday context within a marriage? [14:22]
3. The sermon emphasized the importance of being intentional about the home environment. How can the physical and emotional atmosphere of a home impact the friendship between spouses? [21:38]
4. Reflecting on Proverbs 17:17, how can couples ensure that they are turning towards each other, especially during times of adversity? What practical steps can they take? [24:39]
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Application Questions:
1. The sermon discussed the importance of creating a home environment that fosters connection. What specific changes can you make in your home to prioritize your marriage over other distractions? [21:38]
2. Consider the idea of "turning towards each other" in marriage. What are some small, daily actions you can take to ensure you are consistently choosing to turn towards your spouse rather than away? [24:39]
3. Time was described as the currency of a thriving marriage. How can you intentionally carve out quality time with your spouse amidst a busy schedule? What daily or weekly rituals can you establish? [33:51]
4. Serving together was highlighted as a way to enrich marriage. What opportunities do you have to serve alongside your spouse, and how might this strengthen your relationship? [38:48]
5. Reflect on the role of forgiveness in your marriage. Are there past hurts that need to be addressed? How can you foster a spirit of grace and humility in your relationship? [41:52]
6. The sermon mentioned the importance of finding joy in each other's joy. How can you actively support and engage in your spouse's interests, even if they differ from your own? [29:34]
7. Consider the idea of looking good for each other. How can you make an effort to present yourself in a way that shows care and respect for your spouse's preferences? [33:51]
Devotional
Day 1: Friendship as a Divine Foundation
Friendship within marriage is not an optional extra but a divine foundation that mirrors the unity and sacrificial love God intends for marriage. This friendship requires intentional pursuit and effort, reflecting the deep unity and sacrificial love that God desires for marriage, akin to Christ's relationship with the church. Many marriages falter because they assume friendship will naturally occur, but true friendship in marriage requires deliberate pursuit and effort. It is a reflection of God's relentless, sacrificial love for us, and when pursued with passion and purpose, it becomes a testament to His faithfulness and a beacon of hope to others. [05:16]
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (ESV): "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"
Reflection: Consider your current relationship with your spouse. What specific steps can you take today to intentionally pursue deeper friendship and unity with them?
Day 2: Creating an Intentional Home Environment
The home environment plays a crucial role in nurturing or hindering a marriage. Being intentional about creating a space that fosters connection and intimacy is vital. This involves setting rhythms of rest and connection that prioritize the marriage over other distractions. A thriving marriage is supported by a home that fosters connection and intimacy, not just a place to live. It is important to be intentional about the home environment, ensuring it is a place where both partners feel valued and connected. [21:38]
Proverbs 24:3-4 (ESV): "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
Reflection: Reflect on your home environment. What changes can you make to ensure it fosters connection and intimacy with your spouse?
Day 3: Turning Towards Each Other
In the busyness of life, the natural drift in marriage is away from the spouse. Choosing to turn towards each other, both physically and emotionally, is essential for maintaining closeness and addressing conflicts with grace and humility. This involves truly seeing and valuing your spouse, finding joy in their joy, and prioritizing them over distractions like screens. It is about maintaining closeness and addressing conflicts with humility and forgiveness. [24:39]
James 1:19-20 (ESV): "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
Reflection: In what ways can you turn towards your spouse today, both physically and emotionally, to strengthen your connection and address any conflicts with grace?
Day 4: Time as the Currency of Marriage
Quality time together is irreplaceable in a thriving marriage. Consistent, intentional time spent together strengthens the bond and fosters deeper intimacy. This involves creating daily connection rituals and prioritizing time together over other commitments. Time is the currency of a thriving marriage, and it is essential to invest it wisely to nurture the relationship. [33:51]
Colossians 4:5-6 (ESV): "Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."
Reflection: How can you prioritize quality time with your spouse today, ensuring that your relationship remains a top priority amidst other commitments?
Day 5: Serving Together as a Couple
Serving together as a couple enriches the marriage and extends its impact beyond the couple. It reflects God's love and purpose, and when pursued with passion and purpose, it becomes a testament to His faithfulness and a beacon of hope to others. Serving together not only enriches the marriage but also extends its impact beyond the couple, reflecting God's love and purpose. [38:48]
1 Peter 4:10-11 (ESV): "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ."
Reflection: What is one way you and your spouse can serve together this week, using your unique gifts to reflect God's love and purpose to others?
Quotes
Friendship in marriage is not just a nice idea. Friendship in marriage is necessary. It's a necessity in this lifelong covenant. Now, if you are single and you're here and perhaps you desire to get married, I am so glad that you're here because this, this, this message will give you an idea of what kind of friendship you need to have in marriage and it will help you navigate this dating scene so that even as you're interacting with the different individuals, then you know, do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? [00:03:20] (36 seconds)
Whether you're married or not, we are meant to experience a profound revelation of God's love for us. We are called to reflect that beautiful sacrificial relationship between Christ and we, the church. In Ephesians 5 that we've just read, Paul points this picture clearly, calling both husbands and wives to live in this mutual submission. There's a mutual submission out of reverence of Christ. [00:15:25] (26 seconds)
Be intentional about your home environment. This is something that we take for granted, but impacts marriage in a huge way. Let me say this to us. Your home environment can grow or kill your marriage. And some of us know it. In fact, there are many who have been married for so long, you know, they can probably rubber stamp this. [00:20:04] (26 seconds)
The natural drift in marriage is away from your spouse. Especially in the generation that we live in, in the season that we are in. And many of us, we probably make the assumption that the natural drift is towards my spouse. It's not. It's easy to stay busy and avoid meaningful conversations or simply do life independently. If you're not intentional, the result is not staying close. It's slowly drifting apart. [00:26:10] (27 seconds)
A thriving friendship takes effort. Drifting apart takes none. Do you know how to kill a relationship? Do nothing. Do nothing. Every day of your life, you will face moments where the easier option is for you to turn away from your spouse. You will have an argument, sorry, robust conversation. And the easiest thing for you to do is to turn away from them, you know, or sweep it under the carpet. [00:26:40] (30 seconds)
There is no extravagant, keyword, extravagant vacation once a year or twice a year or a rushed date night that can replace the consistency of just being together. What I've found is that quantity time leads to quality time. You know, there's no friendship without it. There's no friendship without time. You know that. So a couple of things that I'll share. Create daily connection rituals. [00:37:15] (27 seconds)
Let me say, there's something powerful about serving together. Serving in church together might be one of the most fulfilling thing you'll ever do as a couple. Marriage thrives when it comes beyond itself. God did not bring the two of you together just for you. The two of you is such a huge kingdom investment to be limited only to your marriage. [00:38:50] (27 seconds)
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