Building a Strong Marriage: Love, Commitment, and Community

1. "The thing I found out in that over all the years of pastoring, working with couples, is if you think marriage is going to fix you, you're crazy. What marriage will do is pull all of the broken parts out of you and enhance them. Every crack, every issue. As my dad said, you don't really know people until you live with them or until you work with them or marry them. So marriage doesn't fix you. You bring every broken part of your life into the future. Marry the person and then they get the best and the worst of you. Which is why most marriages will go this way. For better or worse. We all know we're lying. It's for better because we don't do worse very well at all. And we think our partner is going to fix us." [47:28] (49 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


2. "You need to know your non-negotiables. You need to know the things that you're willing to compromise and not compromise. The things that you know. Because if you're not careful, you will compromise every single time. I'm going to put it up and this is what it will say. Know your non-negotiables. You need to know what you're looking for in these dating years. What do you want out of your spouse? What do you want? Are you looking for? Because when I, my wife Monica died and I knew probably because I was in my early 20s. I would get married again. And so I just jotted down. It sounds so silly. But I jotted down what I was looking for. Not in a negative way that she has to meet this list. But in a way that." [48:08] (50 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


3. "I wanted a bride that loved her Bible. Because I knew if she loved the word of God. There was a better chance we would make it. I wanted her to go to church. Not because it's a religious thing. But because that was important for community. To be part of our life. To be successful. I wanted a spirit filled woman. Don't know what you think about that. But I wanted a woman that knew the voice of the Holy Spirit. Why? Because I knew life can be hell. I know. Here's what we do. We come to the altar. And we're all like giddy about it. But about a week into the honeymoon. You realize. Oh my God. Who did I marry? What's happening? So I wanted a woman who had God first in her life. Not me. Because I knew when it fell apart. I needed someone that could take me to Jesus when life falls apart. Someone who's not going to run to the bottle." [49:59] (49 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


4. "You have to fight for us. I'll tell you why that's important. When you get married, everybody typically fights for themselves. The statistical truth of marriage is 50% of every marriage is going to end in failure. It's the stats. So whether you believe in God or not or the devil or not or wherever you fall statistically in America, 50% a little higher. In some states a little lower than others, but average 50% of all first-time marriages Christian non-Christian end in a divorce. So the moment you stand in an altar, you got a 50 50 chance to make it the typical we don't make it is we don't fight for us. We fight for my rights. We fight for I was a powder and she was a perfectionist and we went to the altar like we're going to have the best marriage ever. We're never going to fight. We're going to get along so well because we just love each other so much. And then you realize how quickly the powder in me because I didn't cuss and slam doors and scream and holler. I would just pout. I would just sit there and put my lip out. You okay? I'm okay. Just holding it all in and and she's very much analytical. And so I had to learn how to fight for us. Not just for me. You have to fight for the marriage to make it." [01:01:45] (82 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


5. "I will end with this every couple that I have had come to me. That wants it to work and is willing to work it. It will work. It will work doesn't matter how hellacious it is. If you want it, you're willing and you'll fight for it. It can work. Why would I fight for it? Because I don't want to be a statistic. Why would I fight for this because I want to grow old with somebody that knows all my garbage. I want to grow old with somebody that knows all of my quirks and my little playing playing my phone and playing my guitar and says I love you. Anyway, I want to grow old with somebody that I can sit on the front porch go. My God. Remember when and I got kids and grandkids around my feet. You don't get there. If you don't fight for it, you're going to tap out. You're going to you got to fight for it. That's a hard thing to do when you want your way and you want to win one every now and then." [01:06:00] (51 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


6. "If you want a good life, you better get a plan. And this is why I think this is true. In every, in every marriage I've ever performed in 34 years of pastoring, they always have somebody that's the wedding coordinator. Typically, if they're real cheap, it'll be an aunt, which has no clue what she's doing and she's telling everybody what to do, but she was free. And then for those that go well, and I'm not sitting there texting Robin going, God, we've been here four hours and we're getting nowhere. They hire somebody to come as the wedding coordinator on day one when they're getting married. And that wedding coordinator puts a piece of tape here, here, here, here, and here. And the wedding coordinator sitting here going, okay, get ready. And they're all in the back and she's orchestrating this beautiful ceremony where everybody's supposed to stand. And I always text Robin and go, oh my gosh, how easy it went when there was a professional coordinator orchestrating the whole thing. Like people do that for their wedding day. But as soon as they come home from the honeymoon, there's nobody with a piece of tape telling him where to stand. There's nobody in their life going, hey, I don't think you should have said that. That's not going to go. Well, back that up. Back that up. Get back. No, no. Mark, Mark, pick up your underwear. Pick up your underwear. Now, Mark, pick up your under. No, no. Do not call her your mother. Do not like that. That would be awesome. You don't have those people in your life. So guess what? Most people just wing it and they're winging it off sex and lust and love and happiness. And then a month in you realize you're both human and you have no plan. No plan. We didn't get here just because we're Christians, just because we read the Bible. We got here because we sat down and figured out if we want a good life, we need to get a great plan." [01:18:21] (105 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


7. "We made a decision in the early years of our life, because we had seen it fall apart, that we would always date. And every week, I would take her on a date. And I wish somebody would have told me that she would never be able to decide. That would make it so much easier. I created a little wheel, fellas, that is all the restaurants. And now I just hit it and go, where do you want to eat? And it picks where we're going to eat. And I'm like, that feels good. I said, that's right, right? Like the wheel pick, not me or you. And then she'll go, man, I don't think that's what I want. But we have dated 34 years straight. Every single week, we've dated broke. We've dated angry. We've dated happy. We've dated sad. Because we made a decision that we would never drift apart. And when you have four daughters, and you're burning the candle at both ends, it takes effort to keep this fresh. I'll say this, I don't mean it rude, but I'll say it from my heart. There's a lot of people married who their God is their children. And they're losing love for each other. You're serving your kids more than you're serving each other. And that's a great thing in the moment. But when those kids are gone, this is sad. It's so empty and broken. There's nothing here. So whatever that means to you, to have a good plan. To sit down and go, here's what we want for our children, let's work at it. Whether that's home school, here's what we want for them for college. Here's what we want in a home. Here's what we want together as a couple." [01:21:12] (108 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


8. "Do you know that there are more people that have a plan for their car? Than their mother? Than their marriage? Every 3,000 miles they'll get the oil changed. They'll check the steering to see if it's off. They'll check the tires. They'll wash it. They'll get all the salt off of it. All the snow off of it. They'll vacuum it out. They have a better plan for their grass in their yard. They will mow it. They will cut the flowers. They will trim things. They have a better plan for their health. They'll go to the gym. They put more time into picking fantasy football players. Than they do their marriage. So if you can have a fantasy football plan. A changing oil plan. A mowing your grass plan. A retirement plan. A gym and health plan. A nutritional plan. Could you not get a plan for your marriage? To say we're going to get a plan to fight for each other. Not against each other. We're going to get a plan to love each other. And to love ourselves. And to love God." [01:24:20] (63 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)


9. "Half of the world comes from broken homes. Half of the children born are born to parents that aren't even wed. Fathers that aren't even in the house. My personal opinion. I don't think we have a political problem. I think we have family problems. I think the families are broken. And Robin and I are here to say 14 years ago. It probably wouldn't have looked like we would be sitting here encouraging you. Because we were in a very dark season. I'm sure when Robin went through cancer. She's not thinking I just yearned to sit on a stage and talk about my faith. When our daughters are going through problems. It's not like we go yay. We get to tell people how wonderful God is. When we're the ones crying. And we're the ones having hard conversations. When we go wrong. I just want to encourage you today. Press through. Don't throw in the towel. Trust the God that you serve. And give him your all." [01:26:32] (63 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)