Building a Christ-Centered Marriage: Essential Tools for Unity
Summary
Today’s focus is on the essential “tools” needed to build and sustain a healthy, Christ-centered marriage. Just as a house under construction requires the right equipment and teamwork, so does a marriage. The journey isn’t about luck or simply holding a title—it’s about being equipped, intentional, and committed to the work of partnership, support, intimacy, and faith. God’s design for marriage is not for one person to carry the load alone, but for both to walk together, sharing responsibilities, lifting each other up, and supporting one another through every season.
Partnership is foundational. Marriage is not a competition but a completion—two people working together, not against each other. When roles become unbalanced, silent resentment can creep in, so it’s vital to communicate and share the load. God’s blueprint calls for mutual submission and support, not domination or undermining. Both husband and wife are called to lift each other up, just as Christ came to serve and not to be served.
Support is another critical tool. When one falls, the other is there to help, not to judge. God created us for relationship, first with Him and then with each other. Emotional responsiveness and encouragement are key to a thriving marriage. Speaking life over your spouse, being their safe place, and celebrating differences as strengths rather than obstacles are all ways to build a strong foundation.
Intimacy is the insulation that keeps a marriage warm. It’s not just about physical closeness, but about affection, attention, and prioritizing one another. When intimacy is neglected, distance grows. It’s essential to be intentional, to flirt, to connect, and to never use intimacy as a weapon or a bargaining chip. God designed intimacy for marriage, and it’s a vital part of the relationship.
Finally, the most important strand in the cord is Christ. A marriage built on Him is not easily broken. When God is at the center, there is supernatural strength to withstand the storms of life. Praying together, reading the Word together, and inviting God into every part of the relationship is what makes the difference between a marriage that survives and one that thrives.
Key Takeaways
- Partnership in marriage means shared responsibility, not silent resentment. God’s design is for both spouses to walk together, supporting and completing each other, rather than competing or carrying the load alone. When both partners have an equal voice and share the work, the relationship flourishes and reflects God’s intent for unity. [54:15]
- Mutual submission is a biblical principle that calls both husband and wife to lift each other up. True spiritual leadership is not about control or dominance, but about sacrificial love and support, just as Christ modeled for us. When both partners submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, the marriage becomes a place of safety and growth. [59:39]
- Support is demonstrated through empathy, encouragement, and being emotionally available. Rather than judging or criticizing, spouses are called to be each other’s “spotter,” helping one another through weaknesses and challenges. Speaking life and providing a safe space for vulnerability strengthens the bond and fosters resilience. [01:06:45]
- Intimacy is essential, not optional, in marriage. It encompasses more than physical connection; it’s about affection, attention, and prioritizing your spouse above all others. Neglecting intimacy leads to emotional distance, while intentional connection keeps the relationship vibrant and protected from outside temptations. [01:10:21]
- Christ must be the center of every marriage. A threefold cord—husband, wife, and God—is not easily broken. Building on the foundation of Christ through prayer, Scripture, and shared faith gives supernatural strength and endurance, enabling couples to weather any storm and experience true unity. [01:16:38]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[12:23] - God Sees You in Your Struggle
[21:53] - Meeting God in the Valley
[33:18] - Gratitude and Prayer for the Church
[35:14] - Upcoming Events: Prom and Kids Camp
[38:35] - Thank You for Your Generosity
[39:35] - The Importance of Giving
[41:06] - Why We Must Talk About Marriage
[42:12] - The Need to Remove the Junk
[43:12] - Building on the Right Foundation
[44:20] - The Cost of Building a Strong Marriage
[45:56] - The Tools Every Marriage Needs
[47:58] - Ecclesiastes 4: The Power of Partnership
[49:10] - Partnership: Sharing the Load
[54:15] - Equal Say and Mutual Submission
[59:39] - Support: Lifting Each Other Up
[01:06:45] - Speaking Life and Emotional Safety
[01:07:43] - Intimacy: The Insulation of Marriage
[01:10:21] - The Dangers of Neglecting Intimacy
[01:15:32] - The Threefold Cord: Christ at the Center
[01:16:38] - God’s Blueprint for Marriage
[01:18:58] - Weekly Challenge and Closing Prayer
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: “The Tools Every Marriage Needs”
---
### Bible Reading
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
---
### Observation Questions
1. According to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, what are some practical benefits of having a partner in life?
2. In the sermon, what did the pastor say is one of the biggest problems in marriage today, especially regarding roles? [[52:24]]
3. What does the phrase “a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” mean in the context of marriage? [[47:58]]
4. How did the pastor describe the difference between “partnership” and “competition” in marriage? [[51:06]]
---
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think God’s design for marriage involves both people sharing the load, rather than one person carrying it all? [[52:24]]
2. The sermon talks about “mutual submission” and support. How does this challenge traditional ideas about leadership and roles in marriage? [[54:15]]
3. The pastor said that intimacy is “the insulation that keeps a marriage warm.” What does this mean beyond just physical closeness? [[01:07:43]]
4. Why is it important for Christ to be the “third strand” in a marriage, according to both the passage and the sermon? [[01:15:32]]
---
### Application Questions
1. The pastor challenged couples to have an honest conversation about who is carrying what in the marriage. When you think about your own relationship (or future relationship), are there areas where the load feels unbalanced? How can you start a conversation about this? [[01:18:58]]
2. Silent resentment can build up when roles are unbalanced. Have you ever experienced this in your marriage or close relationships? What steps could you take to address it before it grows? [[52:24]]
3. The sermon emphasized being a “spotter” for your spouse, not a judge. What is one way you can offer support or encouragement to your spouse (or a close friend) this week instead of criticism? [[01:01:50]]
4. Intimacy was described as more than just sex—it’s about affection, attention, and prioritizing your spouse. What is one small, intentional thing you could do this week to build intimacy in your relationship? [[01:07:43]]
5. The pastor warned against using intimacy as a weapon or bargaining chip. Have you ever seen this happen (in your life or others’)? What are some healthy ways to address conflict without withholding affection? [[01:12:34]]
6. Christ as the center gives supernatural strength to a marriage. If you are married, what is one way you and your spouse can invite God into your relationship this week (praying together, reading Scripture, etc.)? If you’re not married, how can you prepare now for a Christ-centered relationship in the future? [[01:16:38]]
7. The sermon mentioned celebrating differences as strengths. What is one difference between you and your spouse (or close friend) that you can choose to appreciate and celebrate this week, rather than see as an obstacle? [[01:05:09]]
---
Weekly Challenge:
Have an honest conversation with your spouse (or a close friend if you’re single) about what feels heavy in life right now. Practice listening and supporting each other, and invite God into that conversation. [[01:18:58]]
Devotional
Day 1: Partnership in Marriage: Two Are Better Than One
A healthy marriage is built on the foundation of true partnership, where both spouses share responsibilities, support each other, and work together as a team rather than competing or carrying silent resentment. God designed marriage to be a union where each person completes the other, and when both partners are equally invested, the relationship thrives. This partnership is not about one person dominating or the other being passive, but about walking together in agreement, sharing the load, and making decisions as a united front. When both spouses pick up the tools of partnership, they create a strong, resilient bond that can withstand the challenges of life. [54:15]
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (ESV)
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"
Reflection: In what area of your marriage or closest relationship do you need to invite your partner to share the load with you more intentionally this week?
Day 2: Support: Being Each Other’s Helper
Support in marriage means being your spouse’s spotter, not their judge—offering help, encouragement, and a safe place to land when life gets tough. God created us for relationship, first with Him and then with each other, and He designed marriage as a place where we can find help and companionship. When one person is weak, the other steps in to help, and together they share each other’s burdens. Speaking life, showing empathy, and being emotionally available are essential tools for building a marriage where both partners feel safe, valued, and truly supported. [01:06:45]
Genesis 2:18 (ESV)
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"
Reflection: When was the last time you intentionally spoke words of encouragement or support to your spouse or a close friend? How can you do that today?
Day 3: Intimacy: The Insulation That Keeps Marriage Warm
Intimacy is more than just physical closeness; it’s the daily acts of affection, attention, and connection that keep a marriage vibrant and strong. Without intentional intimacy—whether through touch, words, or quality time—marriages can grow cold and distant. God designed intimacy as an essential part of marriage, not an extra, and when it is neglected, disconnection and temptation can creep in. Making your spouse a priority, setting healthy boundaries, and addressing issues that hinder closeness are vital steps to maintaining a warm, connected relationship. [01:14:44]
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (ESV)
"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Reflection: What is one small, intentional act of affection or connection you can offer your spouse today to nurture intimacy?
Day 4: The Threefold Cord: Christ at the Center
A marriage that lasts is one where Christ is woven into the very fabric of the relationship, making it strong and unbreakable. No matter how much chemistry, communication, or commitment a couple has, without God at the center, the relationship is vulnerable to fraying and falling apart. When couples pray together, read the Word together, and build their lives on God’s blueprint, they find supernatural strength and unity that can withstand any storm. Inviting God into your marriage is the most important tool you can use to ensure its lasting success. [01:17:26]
Ecclesiastes 4:12 (ESV)
"And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
Reflection: How can you and your spouse (or a close friend) intentionally invite God into your relationship this week—through prayer, reading Scripture, or another spiritual practice?
Day 5: Building on the Right Foundation
The strongest marriages and relationships are those built on the solid foundation of God’s Word and His design. When we try to build our lives or marriages on anything else—our own plans, culture’s advice, or fleeting feelings—the structure is unstable and vulnerable to collapse. But when we listen to Jesus’ teachings and put them into practice, we are like wise builders who construct our homes on bedrock, able to withstand the storms of life. God’s blueprint for marriage and relationships is clear: build on Him, and your house will stand. [01:17:26]
Matthew 7:24-25 (ESV)
"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock."
Reflection: What is one practical way you can realign your marriage or closest relationship with God’s blueprint this week?
Quotes
Whatever you're facing today, whatever you need today, can I tell you there's a God in this place that will meet your need right where you are. I don't care what you've walked through this week. I don't care what you walked through this morning to get in the door. You made it in the place. And God sees you where you're at. There's somebody in here today you've questioned. God, are you even still there? And I'm here today to tell you God is still here and God is still on the throne and he's still working miracles today. [00:21:15]
Not all of life is mountaintop. Sometimes we've got to walk through the valley. What did the psalmist say? Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. That same psalmist also said, sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. So I don't know what you're facing today. But I also know the God that can walk that battle with you and carry you in the middle of the struggle. All you've got to do is give it to him and not do it yourself. [00:22:08]
If Christ is not in the middle of your marriage, it will fall. It will crumble. You will struggle. Now, listen, there are people, yes, who are married 30 and 40 years that don't have Christ in the middle, but I promise you it's a struggle. And there's more and more people today that are 30, 40-year marriages that are divorcing. Why? Because after a certain time, you can't survive if Christ isn't in the middle of it. [00:43:45]
No relationship will stand if you don't get rid of the junk first. That's just the reality of it. We all bring stuff into our relationships, every single one of us. We bring in our pasts. We bring in what we've seen modeled to us, whether good or bad. And we do things based on the junk in our lives. And if we don't get rid of the stuff, our house will fall. [00:42:08]
Marriage isn't about being lucky. It's about being equipped. And the thing that you can't build a house without is what? Love first. In the center. Intimacy. Honesty. What are those things called? More practical. [00:45:41]
You have to have tools. And what I want to talk to us about today is that you need tools in your marriage. It isn't enough to just be lucky. We need tools. And in Ecclesiastes chapter 4, we see a powerful visual of what a healthy relationship looks like. [00:46:49]
A marriage that lasts is built with the right tools. At the end of the day, you've got to have a saw to cut boards. You've got to have a hammer to drive nails. You have to have the right kind of tools to tape and mud a sheetrock wall. You can do it without the right tools, but it doesn't work the same. And in our marriage, it is the same way. It takes partnership. It takes support. It takes intimacy and faith. [00:49:20]
You're not just married. You're on the same crew. You're not competing. You're completing each other. And one of the biggest problems in marriage today is silent resentment over unbalanced roles. Let me say that again. One of the biggest problems in marriage today is silent resentment over unbalanced roles. In other words, when one person's doing all the heavy lifting, things start to crack. [00:52:12]
God's design for marriage is partnership, and that means shared responsibility. That means shared effort. That means shared reward. One may carry the load today, but tomorrow the other one's got to carry the load. But I might be strong today in Shannon's week, but tomorrow I may be the weak one and she's got to step in. And if we're not doing this thing together, then when the day I'm weak, I will crumble and I will fall. [00:52:37]
Marriage is a partnership that requires both individuals to have equal say. I know some religious folks just got upset. But marriage is a partnership that requires both parties have equal say in the marriage. And so many times, especially in the church, one partner is usually the loudest, and it's usually us men. Because we were raised that we're in charge. Right? But we were raised that we are the head. [00:53:58]
Being the spiritual head of your home does not give you a license. We love, as men, Ephesians 5, 22, where it says, wives, submit to your husbands. But we quickly forget verse 25, where it says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. [00:55:07]
Can I tell you, the only one in control today is God, and if your relationship is not built on Him, it will not stand. We've got men who abuse their spiritual authority and headship to domineer and control. And on the flip side of that, we've got women...who have sought to undermine their husbands for selfish gain. You ain't telling me what to do. I've been charging my own self. You ain't telling me, man, what I can and can't do. [00:55:44]
Ephesians 5 tells husbands and wives to submit to each other. Men, equally, just as he said, Paul said, wives submit, he said husbands submit. Right? We got too many folks taking Scripture out of context and twisting it for their own agendas in the church, and we got to stop. We got to stop that mess. [00:56:57]
A healthy marriage is a partnership where both partners support one another, cherish one another, who love each other and put each other before their own self. It's why we talked about last week when we said love isn't selfish. We read it in 1 Corinthians last week. Love does not seek its own agenda but it seeks that which benefits their partners. [01:00:13]
You can't say you're married if you don't do the work required to be married. Marriage isn't just a title. Marriage requires the right tools and the right work. It's looking out for one another, taking care of one another, and supporting one another. And we are to be a tool of support, not a burden. [01:00:52]
You don't need to be your spouse's judge when it doesn't go right. What you need to be is their spotter. How many of you ever been to the gym and people look at you and judge you by the way you're doing your work? That's the way I feel anyways when I go to the gym. That's why we built a home gym, so I can get in shape without judgment. Or you go to Planet Fitness, they give you a tootsie roll and they got the lunk alarm to go off if you act crazy. We need to be each other's spotters, not each other's judge. [01:01:24]
When your spouse falls, you need to be the ladder that they can climb out of the hole with. Not the one standing over the hole laughing. Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you felt supported at home? When was the last time you supported your spouse like you should support them? Right? When was the last time you felt safe, encouraged, or able to be yourself 100%? When was the last time you made someone feel safe, encouraged, and allowed them to be themselves 100%? [01:06:35]
One of the most effective ways to support your spouse is to speak life over them. Every single one of us have areas in our lives where we feel less than, insecure, or lack courage. But when we speak life over those places, our spouse struggles in, it encourages them to keep going. [01:07:10]
Intimacy is the insulation that keeps a marriage warm. And without it, your marriage will freeze over. The National Marriage Project shows that 68% of couples in a sexless marriage report feeling emotionally distant. 68%, I'm going to get real for just a second here. Not having sex in your marriage is a big deal and it means that something's off. It means that something is off. [01:10:14]
Your spouse must be your first priority. Because if you don't make your spouse the priority, someone else will. That's why we got work wives at work. That's why we got work husbands at work. The only reason people got them folks at work is because something's lacking in their life. When you respect your marriage, you don't have work wives and work husbands. [01:11:15]
We are not close by accident. Y'all remember me saying that? We are not close in our marriage by accident. It takes intentional effort. And we choose to be in it. [01:12:21]
You can't use sex as a form of punishment. You can't withhold it to get what you want. You can't manipulate with it. Right? You can't use it as a form of punishment. 1 Corinthians 7, 3-5 says the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. [01:12:35]
If there is lack, find the problem. If it means you need to go to counseling you need to go. Don't tell me that there's not a problem. If you have a sexless, intimate-less or I can't even say it right. If you just have no intimacy get to the root. Get to a place where intimacy is back in your marriage. [01:14:44]
You can have communication, chemistry and even commitment but without Christ your rope will fray. It'll fray. How many of you have ever taken a rope apart? How many strands are in a rope? Sometimes three sometimes four sometimes five sometimes the more strands in that rope the stronger that rope is. [01:15:48]
A marriage centered on Christ has supernatural strength. You're not just relying on each other you're anchored in something eternal. [01:17:04]
Psalms 127 1 says unless the Lord builds a house the work of the builders is wasted. God gave us the blueprints for marriage all the way at the beginning. We talked about it a while ago in chapter 2 when He created Eve He gave us the blueprint for marriage and it's woven all throughout the book and it starts with our relationship with God. [01:17:51]
The strongest marriages are the ones with God in the middle when you pray together when you read the word together when you plan your life around God together it's hard to be mad when you know they pray for you it's hard to not like somebody who supports you it's hard to have a tough time in a relationship for any extended part of time when you build the thing on Christ. [01:18:35]
Chatbot
-
I'm an AI bot trained specifically on the sermon from May 18, 2025. Do you have any questions about it?