Brotherly Love | Letters From John Week 4

Devotional

Day 1: When Love Feels Like Wrestling Your Brother

Loving others isn’t always warm hugs or shared laughter. Sometimes it’s gritting your teeth when someone needles your patience, like a sibling who knows how to push every button. The call to love isn’t conditional on ease—it’s rooted in recognizing God’s love for even the most frustrating among us. This kind of love demands humility, admitting we can’t do it alone. It starts by seeing others through God’s eyes, not our irritation. [08:11]

“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” (1 John 4:20, NIV)

Reflection: Who in your life feels like that “younger brother”—someone you’re called to love but struggle to embrace? What specific step could you take this week to see them through God’s eyes?

Day 2: Love’s Source Isn’t You—It’s God

Love isn’t a personality trait reserved for extroverts or peacemakers. It’s a supernatural overflow from the God who is love. When irritation flares, the solution isn’t trying harder but leaning into the One who loved us first. God’s love isn’t earned—it’s given freely, even when we’re unlovable. That same power can transform duty into genuine care. [03:26]

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8, NIV)

Reflection: Where have you been relying on your own strength to love others? How might surrendering to God’s love shift your perspective today?

Day 3: Acknowledge the Struggle, Rely on the Strength

Admitting our inability to love isn’t failure—it’s faith. Like David confessing his sin, honesty opens the door to God’s help. We weren’t meant to white-knuckle through relationships. True love grows when we stop pretending and start praying: “God, I can’t, but You can.” His strength fills the gaps our grit can’t bridge. [21:29]

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26, NIV)

Reflection: What relationship feels most draining right now? How might acknowledging your need for God’s help change your next interaction?

Day 4: Confidence Isn’t in You—It’s in Who’s Within You

Loving difficult people requires more than goodwill—it demands confidence in the God who lives in us. The same power that raised Christ from the dead equips us to text that annoying coworker, listen to that self-centered friend, or forgive that family member. Our role isn’t to manufacture love but to cooperate with the One who already does. [23:06]

“In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.” (Ephesians 3:12, NIV)

Reflection: What practical action (a text, gift, or prayer) could you take this week to actively trust God’s love for someone hard to love?

Day 5: When Fear Blocks Love, Let God Bulldoze It

Fear of rejection, awkwardness, or being taken advantage of often masquerades as “prudence.” But perfect love—God’s love—doesn’t calculate risks. It invades dark corners, disarming our defenses. Loving like Jesus means letting His love evict the fear that keeps us distant, making room for messy, miraculous connections. [36:30]

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18, NIV)

Reflection: What fear (of rejection, discomfort, or inadequacy) has held you back from loving someone? How can you invite God’s perfect love to replace that fear today?

Sermon Summary

John sets the bar in 1 John 4:7-8: “let us love one another,” because “God is love.” The text sounds simple until verse 20 lands like a punch: whoever says they love God but hates a brother or sister is lying. John refuses to let religious résumés outmuscle relational failure. The claim to love God is tested right where someone “gets on the last nerve.” Verse 4 keeps hope alive: the One who is in the believer is greater than the pull of the old reactions. That greater strength is needed, because John is not asking for a warm vibe. He is pressing agape, not just philia. In verse 20 the word is not friendly love. It is sacrificial, unconditional love toward the very sibling in the faith who feels impossible to love.

John then walks a path that ordinary disciples can actually take. First, acknowledge God and tell the truth about the heart. To refuse agape for a brother or sister is not a personality quirk. It is sin, the kind David owned in Psalm 51. Second, rely on God. “God lives in them and they in God” is not decor; it is oxygen. Reliance sounds like praying for the person who stirs up anger, remembering that hurt people hurt people, and asking for strength to bless instead of bite back. The psalmist’s “my flesh and my heart may fail” fits here, because failure is assumed without divine help.

Third, put complete confidence in God to guide concrete steps. Confidence in the love of God opens the ears to the Spirit’s nudges: a text that says “thinking of you,” a small gift given just because, a phone call that only aims to listen. “Seek to understand, then to be understood” becomes a way to clear the fog so love can find a road. John then gives three reasons this road matters. The One who loves the world asks his people to love the ones he loves. The body needs brothers and sisters, often in crisis more than convenience. And brothers and sisters need the body, sometimes on the worst day of their lives. Finally, John names the deeper drag on love: fear. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.” God’s perfect love pushes out the fear of rejection and the dread of awkwardness, freeing the church to love across annoyance, injury, and grief.

Key Takeaways

1. The One who loves you loves them God does not ask the church to muster love from empty pockets. He asks his people to mirror his heart for the ones he already loves, including the difficult ones. Loving them becomes a way of loving Him back, because they are his. That reframes hard people as sacred assignments, not obstacles. [27:47]
2. Agape, not just friendly vibes John ties love of God to agape for a brother or sister, not to a passing feeling. Agape moves toward another at cost to self, even when the other is annoying, inconsiderate, or oblivious. That standard exposes self-protection and demands dependence on God, not personality or mood. [16:21]
3. Reliance turns enemies into intercession Relying on God looks like praying for the one who pokes every bruise. Prayer interrupts the reflex to retaliate and slowly softens the inner stance toward the other. Over time, intercession can uncover their wounds and rehumanize them in the heart that once only bristled. [20:18]
4. Confidence becomes Spirit-led action Confidence in God’s love is not swagger, it is permission to move. Small obedient steps often carry the most weight, because love is rarely loud but always specific. A text, a gift card, an hour of listening can pry open doors that arguments have kept shut for years. [23:46]
5. Perfect love displaces relational fear Fear of rejection, misunderstanding, or one-upmanship can freeze love before it starts. John answers fear with God’s perfect love, not with pep talks. As that love is received, fear loses its grip and makes room for steady, patient presence that endures real-world friction. [36:30]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[01:05] - Letters from John overview
[01:33] - A confessed people-person
[03:26] - Reading 1 John 4:7-8
[03:49] - Admitting some folks are hard to love
[04:31] - The critic and the cat
[05:22] - Self-absorbed conversations
[07:06] - Younger brother frustrations
[09:29] - 1 John 4:20 hits home
[12:24] - Greater is He within
[13:15] - Three Greek words for love
[14:05] - Philadelphia and brotherly love irony
[16:21] - Agape for the hard-to-love
[17:14] - Acknowledge God, admit sin
[19:04] - Rely on God’s love
[20:18] - Praying for difficult people
[22:40] - Confidence that God will guide
[23:46] - Spirit-led practical steps
[25:18] - Three reasons to love siblings
[26:18] - God loves the world
[27:08] - Loving the ones He loves
[28:04] - Needing brothers in real life
[29:56] - Losing Dad and leaning on family
[31:47] - When brothers and sisters need you
[34:49] - Elisha’s final ninety minutes
[36:30] - Perfect love drives out fear
[37:49] - Acknowledge, rely, and trust God
[38:57] - Prayer for courage to love

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading
1 John 4:7-8 (ESV)
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:20 (ESV)
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

1 John 4:18 (ESV)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Observation questions

What specific type of love does John emphasize in 1 John 4:20, and how does it differ from casual friendship?
According to the sermon, what three steps does John outline for loving difficult people? [17:14]
How does Psalm 51 connect to the idea of acknowledging relational failures as sin? [18:08]
What practical examples of “Spirit-led action” are given for showing love to others? [23:46]

Interpretation questions

Why might John use the strong term “liar” in 1 John 4:20 for those who claim to love God but hate others? How does this challenge religious performance?
The sermon states, “hurt people hurt people” when discussing praying for difficult individuals. How might understanding someone’s pain change our perspective on their behavior? [20:18]
How does fear of rejection or awkwardness directly oppose the command to love sacrificially? What makes 1 John 4:18 a solution to this tension?
The phrase “sacred assignments, not obstacles” is used to describe difficult people. What does this imply about God’s purpose in placing challenging relationships in our lives? [27:47]

Application questions

Who is one person in your life that feels “impossible to love” right now? What small, specific step could you take this week to move toward them in love (e.g., a text, prayer, or act of kindness)? [23:46]
When have you excused relational conflict as a “personality quirk” instead of addressing it as sin? What would it look like to confess this to God and ask for His help today?
How could praying for someone who annoys or hurts you soften your heart toward them? Try praying for them daily this week—what might you ask God to do for them? [20:18]
Fear often keeps us from loving others. What fear (rejection, awkwardness, being misunderstood) do you need to surrender to God’s “perfect love” this week? How will you actively rely on Him in that area?
Think of a time someone loved you sacrificially during a crisis. How does their example inspire you to prioritize relationships over convenience? [29:56]
What practical habit (e.g., listening first, giving a gift “just because”) could you adopt to better reflect agape love in your closest relationships?

Sermon Clips

There's an old expression that says hurt people hurt people. And so that person that I can't stand to be around or really frustrates me, they they're probably hurting. And so maybe I could spend some time praying for them and asking God to help them with their struggle so that they will be able to be easier for me to love, and it'll make it easier for them to love me in return. Here's what I find. It's awfully hard to pray for someone and push them away at the same time. So when we're praying for those that are not easy for us to love, whether it's a family member, a friend, a coworker, a neighbor, we talk to God and say, I need your love, and then I need your strength to know best how to love those that are hard for me to love. [00:20:32] (53 seconds) #PrayForTheHurting

I've gotta have complete confidence in God that he's going to help me know best how to do it because left to myself, I'm going to react in the wrong way. So I've gotta put my confidence in him. Ephesians three twelve, in him and through faith in him, we may approach God with freedom and confidence. We can come confidently to God and say, would you help me? I know I'm not easy to love. So would you help my wife and my children and my coworkers and my friends, my family members and extended family? Would you help them to know better how to love me? And would you help me to know better how to love them? Because I'm putting my complete confidence in you, and I won't do it right if you don't help me. [00:22:47] (53 seconds) #TrustGodToLove

The second thing we see in verse 16, it says, we know and rely on God and the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them. So I've got to acknowledge God. The second thing I need to do is rely on God. And I'm gonna tell you, I am relying on God because I know I can't do it on my own. I will screw it up. I'll act and react in the wrong ways if God does not help me, and I do rely on the love of God. [00:18:54] (35 seconds) #RelyOnGodsLove

And I'm not the easiest guy to love. You can see my wife's throwing stuff at I'm not an easy guy to love, and God chooses to love me. So I rely on the love of God to care for me. And then I rely on the love of God to help me to know how to love that person that's really hard for me to love that I struggle to connect with. And one of the things that I think the Lord wants me to do is spend time praying for that person that gets on my last nerve. So I need to rely on God. Say, God, thank you for loving me. God, I can't do this on my own. Would you help me? And then God, would you help that person I just struggle to even be around? [00:19:43] (49 seconds) #GodLovesTheUnlovable

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Brotherly Love | Letters From John Week 4 | Pastor Steve Rauch