Breaking Free from the People-Pleaser Trap
Summary
In today's message, we explored the pervasive issue of seeking approval from others and how it can become a debilitating trap in our lives. This struggle, often referred to as the "people-pleaser trap," can lead to a life dominated by the fear of disapproval, causing us to miss out on God's purpose for us. The desire for approval is not inherently wrong; it is a natural human need. However, when it becomes the driving force of our lives, it can lead to significant spiritual and personal consequences.
We began by acknowledging that the fear of disapproval can cause us to miss God's purpose for our lives. When we are constantly trying to meet the expectations of others, we lose sight of what God has uniquely called us to do. This fear can also stunt our spiritual growth, as we give more weight to human opinions than to God's voice. The Bible warns us that the fear of human opinion can disable our faith, making it difficult to grow closer to Jesus.
Moreover, the desire to please others can lead us into sin, as we give in to peer pressure and compromise our values. This is a common struggle, not just for teenagers but for adults as well. The Bible provides numerous examples of individuals who succumbed to the pressure of others, leading to actions that went against God's will.
Another consequence of seeking approval is the development of hypocrisy in our lives. We begin to wear masks, pretending to be someone we're not, which is exhausting and contrary to the life of integrity God desires for us. Jesus emphasized the importance of being genuine, as God knows our hearts and values integrity over popularity.
Finally, the fear of disapproval can silence our witness for Christ. When we prioritize human approval over God's, we miss opportunities to share the gospel and testify to God's work in our lives. The desire to fit in can keep us quiet, even when we have the chance to speak about Jesus.
Key Takeaways:
- The fear of disapproval can cause us to miss God's purpose for our lives. When we focus on pleasing others, we lose sight of the unique calling God has for us. Our primary purpose is to please God, not people. [07:21]
- Seeking approval from others can stunt our spiritual growth. When we allow people to have more influence in our lives than God, our faith becomes disabled. We must choose whose opinion matters more: God's or people's. [09:22]
- The desire to please others can lead us into sin, as we give in to peer pressure. This struggle is common across all ages and can result in actions that go against our values and God's will. [12:48]
- Hypocrisy arises when we wear masks to please others, leading to a life of duplicity. God desires integrity and congruence in our lives, valuing authenticity over popularity. [20:28]
- The fear of disapproval can silence our witness for Christ. When we prioritize human approval, we miss opportunities to share the gospel and testify to God's work in our lives. [22:14]
Youtube Chapters:
- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:09] - Introduction to the Fear of Disapproval
- [03:08] - The Trap of Approval Addiction
- [04:32] - Understanding the People-Pleaser Trap
- [06:36] - Misusing God's Gifts
- [07:05] - Missing God's Purpose
- [09:07] - Stunted Spiritual Growth
- [12:33] - Peer Pressure and Sin
- [15:06] - Biblical Examples of Peer Pressure
- [18:38] - Hypocrisy and Wearing Masks
- [22:14] - Silencing Our Witness
- [25:06] - Call to Action: Sharing the Gospel
- [26:25] - Supporting Daily Hope
- [27:03] - Closing Remarks
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide
Bible Reading:
1. Proverbs 29:25 - "It is a dangerous trap to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe."
2. 1 Thessalonians 2:4 - "Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of the heart."
3. John 5:44 - "You try to get praise from each other, but you do not try to get the praise that comes from the only God."
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Observation Questions:
1. According to Proverbs 29:25, what is the consequence of being overly concerned with others' opinions? How does this relate to the concept of the "people-pleaser trap"? [03:53]
2. In 1 Thessalonians 2:4, what does Paul identify as our primary purpose? How does this purpose conflict with the desire to please others? [08:34]
3. How does John 5:44 describe the impact of seeking praise from others instead of God? What does this suggest about the relationship between faith and approval? [10:51]
4. What examples from the sermon illustrate the consequences of giving in to peer pressure? How do these examples highlight the dangers of seeking approval from others? [15:06]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the fear of disapproval lead to missing God's purpose for one's life, as discussed in the sermon? What are some ways this fear manifests in daily decisions? [07:21]
2. In what ways can seeking approval from others stunt spiritual growth, according to the sermon? How does this relate to the biblical passages discussed? [09:22]
3. The sermon mentions hypocrisy as a result of trying to please others. How does this hypocrisy affect one's integrity and relationship with God? [20:28]
4. How does the fear of disapproval silence one's witness for Christ, as mentioned in the sermon? What are the implications of this for sharing the gospel? [22:14]
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Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a recent decision you made primarily to gain approval from others. How did this decision align with or diverge from God's purpose for you? [07:21]
2. Identify an area in your life where you feel your spiritual growth is stunted due to seeking approval from others. What steps can you take to prioritize God's opinion over people's? [09:22]
3. Think of a situation where you wore a "mask" to fit in or gain approval. How can you practice authenticity and integrity in similar situations in the future? [20:28]
4. Consider a time when you remained silent about your faith due to fear of disapproval. How can you prepare yourself to speak up about your faith in future opportunities? [22:14]
5. What specific actions can you take this week to shift your focus from pleasing people to pleasing God? How can you remind yourself of your primary purpose as described in 1 Thessalonians 2:4? [08:34]
6. Reflect on a relationship where peer pressure has led you to compromise your values. How can you set boundaries to prevent this from happening again? [12:48]
7. Who in your life might benefit from hearing about Jesus, and what steps can you take to overcome any fear of disapproval in sharing your faith with them? [24:50]
Devotional
Day 1: Prioritizing God's Purpose Over Human Approval
When we focus on pleasing others, we risk losing sight of the unique calling God has for us. The fear of disapproval can cause us to miss God's purpose for our lives. Our primary purpose is to please God, not people. This means that we must be vigilant in recognizing when the desire for human approval is overshadowing our commitment to God's plan. By aligning our actions with God's will, we can live a life that is both fulfilling and true to our divine purpose. [07:21]
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10, ESV)
Reflection: In what areas of your life are you seeking approval from others more than from God? How can you realign your focus to prioritize God's purpose for you today?
Day 2: Spiritual Growth Through God's Influence
Seeking approval from others can stunt our spiritual growth. When we allow people to have more influence in our lives than God, our faith becomes disabled. It is crucial to choose whose opinion matters more: God's or people's. By prioritizing God's voice, we open ourselves to spiritual growth and a deeper relationship with Him. This requires intentionality in listening to God's guidance and allowing His influence to shape our lives. [09:22]
"Thus says the Lord: 'Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.'" (Jeremiah 17:5, ESV)
Reflection: Identify a specific area where you have allowed others' opinions to overshadow God's influence. What steps can you take to ensure God's voice is the primary guide in your life?
Day 3: Resisting Peer Pressure to Uphold God's Will
The desire to please others can lead us into sin, as we give in to peer pressure. This struggle is common across all ages and can result in actions that go against our values and God's will. It is important to recognize the moments when peer pressure is leading us away from God's path and to stand firm in our convictions. By doing so, we honor God and maintain our integrity. [12:48]
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2, ESV)
Reflection: Think of a recent situation where you felt pressured to compromise your values. How can you prepare yourself to stand firm in similar situations in the future?
Day 4: Embracing Authenticity Over Hypocrisy
Hypocrisy arises when we wear masks to please others, leading to a life of duplicity. God desires integrity and congruence in our lives, valuing authenticity over popularity. By being genuine, we align ourselves with God's truth and live a life that reflects His character. This requires courage to be true to who God created us to be, even when it is not the popular choice. [20:28]
"Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out." (Proverbs 10:9, ESV)
Reflection: In what ways have you been wearing a mask to gain approval? What steps can you take to embrace authenticity and live with integrity today?
Day 5: Boldly Sharing the Gospel
The fear of disapproval can silence our witness for Christ. When we prioritize human approval, we miss opportunities to share the gospel and testify to God's work in our lives. It is essential to be bold in our faith, sharing the message of Jesus with others regardless of their response. By doing so, we fulfill our calling to be ambassadors for Christ and spread His love to the world. [22:14]
"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." (1 Peter 3:15, ESV)
Reflection: Who in your life needs to hear about the hope you have in Christ? How can you share your faith with them in a way that is both bold and respectful?
Quotes
"Dear Pastor Rick your Crazy Maker series is really helping me a lot but there's one area where I always make myself crazy. And that is the fear of disapproval. It really messes up my relationships and it makes me miserable to be honest. I am so afraid of being rejected that I let people walk all over me. It affects what I say. It affects what I wear. It even affects the food I eat. I hate feeling this weak but I don't know how to change." [00:16:52]
"It is a dangerous trap to be concerned with what others think of you. But if you trust the Lord you are safe. It is a dangerous trap. The Bible calls it a snare in the King James version. The Bible calls it disabling in the message paraphrase. It is a trap. And so today I want us to look at the concept of escaping the people-pleaser trap." [00:238:24]
"You cannot be worried about being what everybody else wants you to be and focus on what God created you to be at the same time. If you're always worried and you're always trying to be what your parents wanted you to be, what your husband, your wife wanted, what your friends, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever it is, if you're always trying to meet their expectations, if you're always trying to meet fulfill their purpose for your life, you will miss God's purpose for your life." [00:444:56]
"When God is big in our lives, people have less power in our lives. Their influence is a little bit diminished. When God is big in our lives, but on the flip side, when we allow people to be big, what ends up happening is God becomes diminished and we give to people in our lives what really only belongs to God. We give to people authority. We give to people influence. We give to people what God deserves to have." [00:569:04]
"Trying to please everyone leads me to sin. You might want to next to that just write Giving in to peer pressure. When I try to please everyone I inevitably end up giving in to peer pressure. Um I've been a youth pastor for 25 years and time and time again when teenagers are talked to about their biggest struggle. Now it doesn't matter if you talk to Christian church-going teenagers, if you talk to non-church-going teenagers. It doesn't matter what region of the country these teenagers are asked this question." [00:761:83]
"Over and over again overwhelmingly the number one answer is peer pressure. Over and over again my number one struggle is peer pressure. My hunch is for those of us who are a little bit older that might be the same struggle we have. It looks a little bit different for us but it's the same struggle. This desire to please. And when we have a desire to please we end up doing things that we know we shouldn't do." [00:806:24]
"Integrity is more important than popularity. Integrity is more important than popularity. For me this week I'm going to turn that into a prayer in my time with God. And it's just a simple addition. God help me. God help me make my integrity more important than popularity. The Bible says this in 2 Corinthians 10:18. You brag about yourself but the only approval that counts is the Lord's approval." [00:1288:08]
"It silences my ability to share the simple truths of who Jesus is and how he's changed my life. We're pleasing everybody. We don't do this. We find a story that illustrates this perfectly in John chapter nine. Jesus rolls into the scene and he heals a man who's been blind all his life. And you would think in that moment wow what a place to celebrate and declare God's glory, God's greatness." [00:1348:00]
"Many people including leaders believed in Jesus but they wouldn't talk about it publicly out of fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. And this is the kicker this last part. They loved human approval more than they loved the approval of God. Now sometimes silence is golden right but in other cases it's just cowardly. It's just straight cowardly. The desire to fit in keeps a lot of us quiet." [00:1451:60]
"Who around me would hear about Jesus if fear wasn't an issue and for me the answer is more people than are hearing about him right now. Hi everybody. Today I want to ask you to join with daily hope as we focus on fulfilling the great commission of Jesus Christ. You know sharing Jesus with others is the most important thing you can do. If we join together we can reach across the whole world with the message of Christ." [00:1497:55]
"Now right now through Daily Hope we're able to take the good news of Jesus into almost every country of the world including regions where it's difficult or even dangerous to share the good news of the gospel. And it's even being translated into 25 different languages and counting. And by translating into these 25 languages we're able to reach over 80% of the world's population." [00:1531:67]
"When you give a gift to Daily Hope you're helping share the hope of Jesus with people everywhere. Right now your gift will be doubled by the $10,000 matching grant and we'll send you this beautiful Journey with Jesus book to say thanks." [00:1578:64]
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