THE BOOK OF LOVE, PART 1: THE ART OF ATTRACTION

A five-week series turns to the Song of Solomon and treats biblical romance with theological seriousness and practical grit. Hebrew poetry in the song reads as vivid, sensual, and honest about sexual intimacy, and the text affirms that erotic love belongs inside God’s design for marriage. Cultural myths—like the idea that another person will complete a soul—get rejected in favor of a spiritual vision: God shapes character first, and character shapes healthy relationships. The teaching names alarming trends (rising divorce, gray divorce, and a generation that struggles to approach the opposite sex) and presses the need for church conversations about attraction, dating, sex, conflict, and long-term faithfulness.

Attraction appears as two-sided: the visible, sensory pull and the invisible, spiritual draw. The Song emphasizes inward features—purified reputation, godly character, and a revered name—before the physical. Four qualities become practical criteria to seek and cultivate: godly character, growing trust through vulnerability, higher moral standards that protect intimacy, and consistent encouragement that builds esteem and security. Physical chemistry matters, but it follows and flourishes only when rooted in spiritual maturity and mutual encouragement.

Dating and marriage get treated as practices to be learned, not instincts to be left to culture or chance. Pursuit and courtship should honor God; sex belongs in marriage yet remains a good gift meant for joy and communion, not shame. The series presses repentance and growth rather than perfection—calling singles and married people alike to become the kind of person they desire. Practical rhythms—dating as pursuit, escorting a spouse with respect, resisting cheap humor that shames, and choosing kindness—serve as daily disciplines that preserve love from flash and ensure it endures. The teaching closes with pastoral tenderness: hope for those who have failed, encouragement to fight fair, and a sustained call to live righteously so love deepens from honeymoon to grave.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Become the person you seek Becoming the right spouse requires inward work before outward matchmaking. Pursue God’s kingdom and internal righteousness first; that spiritual growth will naturally attract partners aligned with those priorities. The idea shifts responsibility from finding a perfect mate to maturing into one. [40:12]
• 2. Godly character attracts godly partners Character stands as the primary magnet in the Song: a good name and purified life draw genuine attachment. Reputation can fool, but cultivated character endures and forms households that honor God. Seek qualities that reveal a heart shaped by Scripture, not merely a charming exterior. [36:49]
• 3. Maintain higher moral standards Higher standards protect intimacy from becoming a disposable commodity and treat sex as a sacred gift reserved for covenant. Choosing different rhythms from the culture guards against relational burnout and preserves emotional and spiritual safety. Moral restraint becomes a creative force for long-term delight, not a burden. [49:09]
• 4. Kindness makes a person attractive Consistent tenderness and sacrificial care transform attractiveness far more than physical looks alone. Kindness produces trust, deepens desire, and cultivates reciprocal devotion that cannot be earned by charm or performance. Small, habitual acts of honor rewrite the story of a relationship. [58:40]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [23:58] - Introducing the Book of Love
• [25:06] - Hebrew Poetry and Erotic Honesty
• [26:59] - Why Church Must Talk About Romance
• [28:27] - Modern Dating Problems and Statistics
• [32:55] - Series Roadmap: Five Weeks
• [33:40] - Defining Attraction: Two Sides
• [36:49] - Four Qualities to Seek (Character)
• [43:48] - Growing Trust and Vulnerability
• [49:09] - Higher Standards and Sexual Ethic
• [54:17] - Encouragement, Esteem, and Security
• [58:40] - Kindness and Lasting Attraction
• [68:55] - Become the Right Person (Conclusion)

1. In Song of Solomon 1:2-3, what does the woman praise about the man before describing his physical appearance?
2. How does the woman describe herself in Song of Solomon 1:5-6, and what does this reveal about her insecurities?
3. According to the sermon, what are the four qualities that make someone attractive in a relationship? [36:49]
4. How does the man respond to the woman’s insecurity about her skin in Song of Solomon 1:9 and 15?

1. Why do you think the Song of Solomon emphasizes inner qualities like character and reputation before physical attraction?
2. The woman says, “Do not stare at me because I am dark” (Song 1:6). What might this tell us about how vulnerability and trust are built in a relationship?
3. How does setting “higher moral standards” actually protect and deepen intimacy rather than restrict it? [49:09]
4. In what ways does kindness enhance attractiveness, according to the passage and the teaching? [58:40]

1. Marriage is not about finding the right person but becoming the right person. [40:12] What is one area of your character God might be calling you to develop to become more like the person you hope to attract?
2. How can you practice vulnerability in a wise and godly way—sharing insecurities without seeking validation from others?
3. In a culture that often treats sex casually, what practical steps can you take to uphold God’s design for intimacy, whether single or married? [49:09]
4. Kindness makes a person attractive. [58:40] What is one specific, kind action you can intentionally do this week to serve or encourage your spouse (or someone close to you)?
5. How does treating your spouse with honor and respect—like “escorting them to the banquet hall”—affect the emotional climate of your home? [01:05:15]
6. If you’re single, how can you shift your focus from “finding the right person” to “becoming the right person” in this season?
7. What would it look like to create a relationship where both people feel truly safe, secure, and valued—not based on performance, but on Christ-centered love?