Biblical Parenting // Ephesians // David Barrett

Ephesians 6 brings us to the heart of where the gospel meets real life: the home. The journey through Ephesians has shown that the gospel is not just a set of beliefs, but a new way of living that transforms our deepest relationships—marriage, parenting, and work. Parenting, in particular, is not about rehearsing rules but about retraining our reflexes in light of the gospel. Just as moving to a new home requires learning new routes and resisting the pull of old habits, so too does following Jesus mean learning to take new “exits” in our hearts, leaving behind old patterns of comparison, anger, fear, and guilt. The home becomes the training ground where these new gospel reflexes are formed, not just for parents, but for children as well.

Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 6:1-4 are deeply intentional. Children are called to obey and honor their parents—not as a means of control, but as a path to flourishing. Obedience is the starting point, training the hands to respond rightly to authority, while honor is the goal, shaping the heart for a lifetime. This progression is not about stifling creativity or independence, but about learning that authority, when rooted in love, is a gift that leads to blessing. The command to honor parents stands as a bridge in the Ten Commandments, connecting our relationship with God to our relationships with others. When honor takes root in the home, it brings depth and flourishing to life, not just for children, but for the entire family.

For parents, Paul’s challenge is twofold: do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This requires wisdom, humility, and a willingness to model the very character we hope to see in our children. Parenting changes as children grow, and so must our approach—moving from instruction to conversation, from authority to presence. Honoring parents does not expire with adulthood; it matures into presence, care, and cherishing the time we have. Even for those who did not have godly parents, the gospel offers hope: the power of Christ’s resurrection means that new chapters can be written, and generational patterns can be broken. The grace of God is sufficient to transform any family, no matter its past.

Key Takeaways

• 1. The Christian life is about retraining our reflexes, not just rehearsing rules. Like learning a new route home, following Jesus means consciously choosing new patterns of thought and behavior, leaving behind old exits of comparison, anger, fear, and guilt. This process requires patience, grace-driven effort, and a continual return to the truth of the gospel. [04:46]
• 2. Obedience and honor are distinct but connected: obedience trains the hands, while honor transforms the heart. Obedience is the foundation for learning to respond to authority, but honor is the lifelong attitude that shapes our relationships and character. As we mature, honor remains even when obedience is no longer required, reminding us that respect and gratitude for those who shaped us never expire. [14:59]
• 3. Authority in the home is not about control, but about flourishing. Paul’s call for children to obey and honor their parents is radically countercultural, yet it is rooted in the belief that loving authority is a gift. Boundaries are not barriers to freedom, but blessings that protect and nurture growth, teaching us to trust God’s design for our lives. [12:21]
• 4. Parents are called to model the gospel through both discipline and instruction, balancing action and words. The most powerful influence on children is not what we say, but who we are—our consistency, humility, and willingness to admit when we fall short. Parenting is less about having all the answers and more about embodying the character of Christ, inviting our children to follow us as we follow Him. [31:48]
• 5. The gospel offers hope for every family, regardless of its past. Even if we did not have godly parents, or if our family story is marked by pain or brokenness, the resurrection of Jesus means that new beginnings are possible. We are not bound by the failures of previous generations; by God’s grace, we can write a new story, trusting that nothing is beyond the power of Christ to redeem and restore. [36:56]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [01:09] - Ephesians in Context: The Flow of the Letter
• [02:59] - Parenting: Retraining Reflexes, Not Rehearsing Rules
• [04:46] - The New Road: Leaving Old Exits Behind
• [06:43] - Where the Gospel Meets Real Life: Home
• [09:13] - Obedience and Honor: The Two Layers
• [12:21] - Obedience as Flourishing, Not Control
• [14:59] - The Weight of Honor
• [16:50] - The Bridge Commandment: God and Others
• [18:48] - Practical Wisdom: Stories of Obedience and Honor
• [21:14] - The Power of Family Systems
• [23:02] - Parenting Adult Children: New Challenges
• [26:42] - Honoring Aging Parents
• [29:56] - Discipline and Instruction: Modeling the Gospel
• [34:19] - The Wind in Our Sails: The Power of Godly Influence
• [36:56] - Breaking Cycles: The Hope of the Gospel
• [38:57] - Prayer and Benediction

Bible Reading

Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV) — > 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
> 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
> 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
> 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Observation Questions

1. What two instructions does Paul give to children in Ephesians 6:1-2? How are “obey” and “honor” similar or different? [09:13]
2. According to verse 4, what are the two commands given to parents, and what do they mean in practical terms? [24:15]
3. What promise is attached to the command to honor parents, and where does this promise originally come from? [15:35]
4. In the sermon, what examples were given of “old exits” that parents and children are tempted to take? [07:23]

Interpretation Questions

1. The sermon says that obedience “trains the hands” and honor “transforms the heart.” Why is it important to see obedience and honor as a progression rather than the same thing? [09:52]
2. Paul says that authority in the home is not about control but about flourishing. How does this challenge common cultural ideas about authority and parenting? [12:21]
3. The command to honor parents is described as a “bridge” between our relationship with God and with others. What does this mean for how we view family relationships in light of our faith? [16:50]
4. The sermon mentions that even if someone did not have godly parents, the gospel offers hope for a new story. How does the resurrection of Jesus make this possible? [36:56]

Application Questions

1. The sermon compared learning new gospel habits to taking a new route home and resisting the pull of old exits like comparison, anger, fear, and guilt. Which “old exit” do you most often find yourself tempted to take in your family life? What would it look like to take a new “gospel exit” instead? [04:46]
2. For parents: When you think about “not provoking your children to anger,” are there specific patterns or habits you need to change? What is one practical step you could take this week to model the character of Christ to your children? [24:15]
3. For adult children: The sermon said that “obedience expires, but honor doesn’t.” What does honoring your parents look like in your current life stage? Is there a specific way you could show honor or care to your parents this month? [28:03]
4. The sermon emphasized that boundaries are not barriers but blessings. Are there boundaries in your home that you struggle to see as blessings? How might you reframe your perspective to see them as God’s protection and care? [13:02]
5. The pastor shared that parenting is less about having all the answers and more about modeling the gospel. How can you be more honest about your own shortcomings with your family, and how might that help retrain your family’s “reflexes” in light of the gospel? [31:48]
6. If your family story includes pain, brokenness, or ungodly patterns, what would it mean for you to trust that “the curse ends with me” and that God can write a new chapter? What is one step you could take toward healing or change? [36:56]
7. The sermon encouraged being present and cherishing time with aging parents. If you have aging parents, what is one way you can be more present or supportive this week? If not, is there someone in your life who could use your presence and care? [28:43]