Before ‘I Do’ | Lasting Love Week 2 | Pastor Tim Moore

Samson’s story puts a hard question in front of every single follower of Jesus: who am I before I say, “I do”? The desire to find “the one” is real, even after painful breakups, divorce, or loss, because God created people for covenant kind of love. But the search for the right one gets messy when a person is not even sure who they are.

Samson was set apart from the womb through a Nazarite vow. God gave him supernatural strength because God had a purpose on his life: to help deliver Israel from the Philistines. Samson won battles all around him, but he lost the battle within him. Desire took over dedication.

Samson saw a Philistine woman and demanded, “Get her for me.” His words, “She’s the right one for me,” literally carried the sense that she looked good to his eyes. Attraction became his whole filter. His parents were not making this about race or background; their concern was spiritual alignment. Samson was devoted to God, while the Philistines worshiped other gods and stood against the covenant people of God.

Paul brings that same issue into the life of the church: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” Shared hobbies, chemistry, ambition, good hygiene, financial compatibility, and getting along all matter, but none of them can replace the foundational question: are they actively pursuing Jesus? A life surrendered to Christ shapes money, time, church, serving, morals, values, parenting, and the whole worldview. Jesus cannot be a small add-on to a relationship when he is the center of somebody’s whole world.

Missionary dating tries to turn romance into a rescue plan. That kind of relationship can begin with promises to respect faith or attend church, but a spouse who does not truly follow Jesus will eventually feel the weight of a life built around him. Samson forgot who he was because of who he desired.

Identity must come before intimacy. Christ gives the believer what no boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife was designed to provide: beauty, worth, enoughness, everlasting love, forgiveness, and freedom from shame. God’s “I am” reminds his people that he is everything they need, while Christ reveals who they are in him. Jesus before her. Jesus before him.

Samson’s choices led him from a broken marriage to a prostitute, then to Delilah, betrayal, blindness, shackles, and prison. Yet God’s grace met Samson when he turned back. God’s purpose still stood, and God restored strength to a man who had made a wreck of things. Grace remains available for every person carrying regret, failed relationships, shame, or a broken heart.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Know “I am” before “I do” [36:07] Identity confusion makes romance feel like rescue. A person who does not know they are loved, forgiven, beautiful, and enough in Christ will look for another person to fill a place only God can hold. Commitment becomes healthier when it flows from wholeness rather than desperation. Christ gives identity before any relationship can add companionship. [36:07]
• 2. Jesus must be the shared center [28:18] Spiritual alignment is not a minor compatibility issue. Jesus shapes how a person spends money, uses time, raises children, serves others, makes moral choices, and understands the purpose of life. Two people can enjoy the same beach, board games, or hobbies while moving toward completely different destinations. A lasting covenant needs more than common interests; it needs a common Lord. [28:18]
• 3. Desire can make identity disappear [35:30] Samson forgot his calling because he kept following what looked good to his eyes. Physical attraction is real, but it cannot carry the weight of deciding who should receive lifelong commitment. Desire becomes dangerous when it tells a devoted person to compromise what God has made clear. The battle within often matters more than the battles around. [35:30]
• 4. Missionary dating carries real danger [32:25] Evangelism calls believers to love and witness to people, but romance is not a neutral space for spiritual rescue. Dating someone in hopes that they will eventually follow Jesus can place emotional attachment ahead of clear discernment. A claimed conversion must become a real, sustained pursuit of Christ, not merely a way to keep the relationship. Covenant should not rest on potential alone. [32:25]
• 5. Grace restores broken stories [44:19] Samson’s ending does not excuse his choices, but it shows that failure does not get the final word. God met him in prison when he turned his heart back toward God. Shame can keep people staring at what they ruined, while grace calls them back to the God who is not done with them. God still restores strength to surrendered people.
  
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Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [00:30] - Relationships and the Desire for Lasting Love
• [02:05] - A Word for Singles Who Are Looking
• [04:21] - The Search for “The One”
• [07:11] - Dating to Find a Mate
• [09:52] - Samson’s Relationship Train Wreck
• [11:36] - Samson’s Nazarite Calling
• [16:39] - Strong in Battle, Weak Within
• [17:26] - Samson Sees a Philistine Woman
• [20:20] - Spiritual Alignment Matters
• [25:27] - The Most Important Dating Question
• [28:59] - Jesus Shapes the Whole Life
• [32:25] - The Danger of Missionary Dating
• [36:07] - I Am Before I Do
• [41:13] - Samson’s Tragedy and God’s Grace

Bible Reading

Judges 13:3-5
“And the angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, ‘Behold, you are barren and have not borne children, but you shall conceive and bear a son. Therefore be careful and drink no wine or strong drink, and eat nothing unclean, for behold, you shall conceive and bear a son. No razor shall come upon his head, for the child shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb, and he shall begin to save Israel from the hand of the Philistines.’” [11:36]

Judges 14:1-3
“Samson went down to Timnah, and at Timnah he saw one of the daughters of the Philistines. Then he came up and told his father and mother, ‘I saw one of the daughters of the Philistines at Timnah. Now get her for me as my wife.’ But his father and mother said to him, ‘Is there not a woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you must go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?’ But Samson said to his father, ‘Get her for me, for she is right in my eyes.’” [17:41]

2 Corinthians 6:14
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” [26:18]

John 8:58
“Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.’” [40:54]

Observation questions

1. What details in Judges 13:3-5 show that Samson was set apart for God’s purpose before he was even born? [15:35]
2. In Judges 14:1-3, what does Samson say about the Philistine woman, and what concern do his parents raise?
3. What seems to be Samson’s main reason for wanting this woman, based on the phrase, “she is right in my eyes”? [22:14]
4. What examples show how following Jesus affects more than church attendance, including money, time, serving, values, and parenting? [29:04]

Interpretation questions

1. Why would Samson’s parents’ concern in Judges 14 be about spiritual alignment rather than simply someone being from a different people group? [20:20]
2. Paul uses the picture of two animals joined by a yoke. How does that picture explain why a believer’s relationship with Jesus cannot be treated as a small compatibility issue? [26:21]
3. What might it look like for someone to claim to respect Christianity or attend church without truly building his or her life around Jesus? [30:55]
4. How does Jesus’ statement, “I am,” help explain why a person should receive identity, worth, and security from Christ before looking for them in a relationship? [40:06]

Application questions

1. For those who are single, what filters are currently being used to decide whether someone could be “the one”? Is spiritual pursuit of Jesus truly the foundation, or has attraction, chemistry, shared interests, or potential taken first place? [25:27]
2. Where might the desire to be wanted, beautiful, loved, or enough make someone vulnerable to accepting a relationship that pulls him or her away from devotion to Jesus? [36:50]
3. What is one practical way to grow more rooted in the identity Christ gives—beautiful, forgiven, loved, and enough—this week? [37:25]
4. If someone is dating or considering dating a person who does not actively follow Jesus, what honest conversations and wise boundaries may be needed now rather than later? [28:17]
5. For married people, how can the group encourage single friends, children, or younger believers to make “Jesus before her” and “Jesus before him” a real priority? [41:00]
6. Is there regret, shame, relational failure, or heartbreak that still feels like the final word over someone’s story? What would it look like to turn again toward God’s grace and believe that he is not done? [44:19]