Becoming the Right Person for Healthy Relationships

The right person myth is that once you meet the right person everything will be all right, and all the married people chuckled, if you remember, right? And the myth goes like this, that regardless of what you do between now and the time that you meet the right person, regardless of what you do between now and the time that you meet the right person, once you meet the right person, all of that goes away and everything's gonna be just fine, that once you find them everything will be fine, including you. [00:02:19]

The promise myth is that a promise replaces preparation, that a promise replaces the need for preparation, that you don't have to prepare for a relationship. You can promise yourself into it. All you need, all you need is a promise and a party, right? A promise and a party, a vow and a party, a vow, a ring, and a party, and boom, you're in. You can promise yourself into relational maturity, you can promise yourself into great relationship habits. [00:04:08]

To win relationally, whether you're in marriage, looking to get married, dating, to win relationally, you have to prepare. Remember, saying I do does not make you capable. It only makes you accountable. I'm going to let you fill in a blank. And when you are accountable but not capable, you are eventually miserable, thank you. You got it down here on the front row. Give yourself love. Way to go, ma'am. [00:06:00]

Love is patient. Love is not pushy. If someone is pushing you, they are not loving you. Love actually pushes me to give you room, because you don't wanna be pushed. You don't wanna be rushed. Unless you're a college freshman. That's a whole different thing, okay. You don't wanna be rushed, right? Love chooses. This is the cool thing about love. Love chooses, because it's always a choice. Love chooses to move at the other person's pace. [00:11:43]

Kindness is actually an expression of strength. Unkindness is weakness. Unkindness is weakness. It means because you can't bridle yourself. You can't tame your tongue. You can't control yourself. Unkindness is evidence of weakness. Unkindness indicates that you can't control yourself, and I've given you this definition before. You know what kindness is? Kindness is simply loaning someone your strength, rather than reminding them of their weakness. [00:15:11]

Love does not envy, it doesn't boast, and it's never proud. Love does not envy, love does not boast, and love is not proud. Love allows the other person to shine. Love is willing to step out of the spotlight, even when they have reason to step into the spotlight. This is so huge, this is so important. This is so much learning to do for others what God in Christ has done for us. Love isn't threatened by other people's success. [00:18:56]

Love does not dishonor others. Love does not behave disgracefully, dishonorably, or indecently. Love doesn't create regret. Love doesn't insist on another drink. Hey guys, let me ask you this. Do you know how unique you would be in our world, in our culture? Do you know how unique you would be if you decided today, I will never dishonor another woman for the rest of my life. I will not dishonor a woman with my words. [00:22:59]

Honor is at the heart of every satisfying relationship. Honor is at the heart, the epicenter of every satisfying relationship, and the Apostle Paul, again, he does us a big favor. He actually defines honor for us, like we need a definition, because again, we do. We just don't use this term very much. Here's what he says, here's what it looks like. He says, if you want to honor another person, here's the practical side of it. [00:24:30]

Don't stay, don't stay in a relationship where you are consistently, constantly dishonored. If you're dating someone and you're consistently dishonored, break up today. In fact, you have permission to get your phone out and break up now, and I don't think breaking up with a text is generally a good idea. In this case, break up now, and then hand someone your phone and change your number, okay? If you are in a, I'm serious, if you're in a relationship where you are consistently and constantly just put down, put down, put down, put down, dishonored, get out. [00:28:02]

To win, you must prepare to win. And here's the promise, and here's where we'll pick it up next time. Following Jesus, embracing the fine print that the Apostle Paul's gonna give us some more of next time, following Jesus, embracing this one over-arching, demanding, rewarding command: to learn to love as God in Christ has loved us prepares you to win. [00:34:59]

Following Jesus actually makes you better at life because when you choose to follow Jesus, He will lead you in the direction of relational integrity, because Jesus is all about relationships, because in the beginning, God created the heavens and earth and God created humanity, and God gave us personalities, and God made us in His image, which means we are innately relational people. We were made for relationship, and you were made for relationship, and following Jesus is gonna up your relationship game, not simply so that you'll be happier, but so that you'll be more like your Savior. [00:06:38]

Love is able to celebrate other people's success without adding their own story, without reminding everybody else of your success. Love is able to step out of the spotlight and purely celebrate the accomplishments of another person. No tendency to one-up what just happened. Now, here's where this is hard, and here's where love leans in on the things that we need to work on personally. See, you know this, if you don't feel good, if you don't feel good about yourself, it's hard to let others feel good about themselves, right? [00:19:20]