Becoming One: The Journey of Marriage
Summary
Marriage is one of the most significant relationships we will ever experience, shaping our lives more than any other. While there are countless resources and advice available on how to build a strong marriage, the most profound wisdom still comes from God’s original design in Scripture. In Genesis 2:24, we see the foundational principle: “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This journey of two becoming one is not a moment but a lifelong process—a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a continual walk through mountains and valleys, joys and sorrows, as we learn to grow together in unity.
To truly become one, there are things we must leave behind. First, we must leave our parents—not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. This doesn’t mean cutting them off, but it does mean breaking codependence and allowing the marriage relationship to take priority. Our spouse should never have to compete with our parents for our loyalty or affection. Parents, too, must learn to release their children and respect the new boundaries that marriage creates.
Second, we must leave other people. The roles of friends, siblings, and even past relationships must change. Some friendships are only meant for a season—like scaffolding on a building, they serve a purpose but are not meant to remain forever. We must also guard against the trap of comparison, whether it’s with exes, friends, or even the “grass is greener” myth. Instead, we are called to cultivate our own marriage, investing in it rather than comparing it to others.
Finally, we must leave our past problems. Every person brings baggage into marriage—grievances, grief, and guilt from previous experiences or relationships. These must be addressed and healed, not ignored or dragged into the present. Sometimes this requires prayer, sometimes counseling, and always a willingness to forgive and move forward. Only by leaving behind what hinders us can we fully embrace the journey of becoming one.
No matter your season—single, married, divorced, or remarried—God’s design is for us to live in healthy, life-giving relationships, never in isolation. The journey toward oneness is ongoing, but with God’s help, healing, and wisdom, we can grow together and experience the fullness of what He intended for marriage.
Key Takeaways
- The journey of becoming one in marriage is lifelong, not instantaneous. It’s a process that requires patience, humility, and a willingness to grow together through every season—mountaintops and valleys alike. Oneness is not achieved at the altar but is cultivated daily as we walk together in faith and love. [08:33]
- Leaving your parents is essential for a healthy marriage, but it’s more than just moving out. It means breaking emotional and psychological dependence, allowing your spouse to become your primary relationship. This shift honors both your marriage and your parents, setting healthy boundaries and preventing unhealthy competition for your loyalty. [14:27]
- Some relationships are only meant for a season—like scaffolding in construction, they help us grow but are not meant to remain forever. Recognizing when to let go of certain friendships or past relationships frees us to invest fully in our marriage and prevents bitterness from taking root. Gratitude for what those relationships provided, rather than resentment for their absence, brings healing and maturity. [36:14]
- The trap of comparison is destructive to marriage. Whether it’s comparing your spouse to your parents, exes, or others, it undermines intimacy and contentment. Instead, focus on cultivating your own relationship—watering your own grass—rather than longing for what you imagine others have. True growth comes from investment, not comparison. [32:20]
- Past problems—grievances, grief, and guilt—must be addressed and left behind for a marriage to thrive. Unresolved issues from the past will follow you into every new relationship until they are healed. This may require honest confession, forgiveness, counseling, and prayer, but it is essential for building trust, intimacy, and a future together. [42:22]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:00] - Introduction to Family Matters Series
[02:21] - God’s Design for Marriage in Genesis
[06:00] - The Leave and Cleave Principle
[08:33] - The Lifelong Journey of Becoming One
[10:51] - The Problem of Loneliness and God’s Solution
[12:54] - The Importance of Leaving and Cleaving
[14:27] - Leaving Your Parents: Emotional and Psychological Independence
[20:18] - The Pressure of Comparison with Parents
[24:30] - Prioritizing Your Marriage Over Extended Family
[26:22] - Leaving Other People: Changing Roles and Boundaries
[28:43] - The Trap of Comparison and Cultivating Your Marriage
[33:46] - Setting Boundaries with Friends and Co-workers
[36:14] - Scaffolding: Letting Go of Seasonal Relationships
[38:58] - Leaving Past Problems Behind
[42:22] - Healing from Grievances, Grief, and Guilt
[49:39] - Invitation to Respond and Prayer for Marriages
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: "When Two Become One"
---
### Bible Reading
- Genesis 2:24
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
- 1 Corinthians 13:11
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."
- 1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
---
### Observation Questions
1. According to Genesis 2:24, what are the two actions a man is called to do when entering marriage?
2. In the sermon, what does "leaving your parents" mean beyond just moving out of the house? [[14:27]]
3. What analogy did the pastor use to describe certain friendships or relationships that are only meant for a season? [[36:14]]
4. What are the three types of "past problems" the pastor said we need to leave behind for a healthy marriage? [[43:21]]
---
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think God’s design for marriage includes the command to "leave" parents and "cleave" to a spouse? What might happen if this step is skipped? [[14:27]]
2. The pastor said that becoming one is a lifelong journey, not a one-time event. What are some reasons this process takes a lifetime? [[08:33]]
3. How can holding onto past relationships or comparing your marriage to others damage your current relationship? [[32:20]]
4. Why is it important to address and heal from past grievances, grief, and guilt instead of ignoring them? [[42:22]]
---
### Application Questions
1. The sermon talked about leaving not just physical, but emotional and psychological dependence on parents. Are there areas where your parents (or extended family) still have more influence than your spouse? What would it look like to set healthier boundaries? [[14:27]]
2. Think about your friendships and past relationships. Are there any that you need to redefine, limit, or let go of for the sake of your marriage or future marriage? How can you do this in a way that is healthy and honors God? [[36:14]]
3. The pastor warned against the trap of comparison—whether with parents, exes, or other couples. When are you most tempted to compare your relationship to others? What practical steps can you take to "water your own grass" instead? [[32:20]]
4. Everyone brings some kind of baggage into marriage—grievances, grief, or guilt. Is there a specific past hurt or regret that you haven’t fully dealt with? What is one step you could take this week to begin healing—prayer, confession, counseling, or something else? [[42:22]]
5. For those who are single, divorced, or remarried: What does it look like for you to pursue healthy, life-giving relationships in your current season? How can you apply the "leave and cleave" principle in your context? [[09:33]]
6. The pastor mentioned that some friendships are like scaffolding—meant for a season, not forever. Is there a relationship you’re grieving the loss of? How can you shift from resentment to gratitude for what that relationship provided? [[37:49]]
7. If you are married, what is one new tradition or habit you could start with your spouse to strengthen your sense of unity and "oneness"? [[24:30]]
---
Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Invite the group to pray for healing, wisdom, and unity in their relationships, asking God to help them leave behind what needs to be left and to embrace the journey of becoming one.
Devotional
Day 1: God’s Design for Marriage—Leaving and Cleaving
God’s original plan for marriage is that a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, beginning a lifelong journey of becoming one. This process is not instantaneous but unfolds over a lifetime, requiring intentionality, patience, and commitment as two unique individuals learn to walk together in unity. The call to “leave and cleave” is foundational, setting the stage for a marriage that prioritizes the new relationship above all others, except for one’s relationship with God. [06:00]
Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Reflection: In what ways do you need to more intentionally prioritize your marriage relationship above all other earthly relationships, making space for true oneness to grow?
Day 2: Healthy Boundaries—Letting Go of Parental Codependency
Leaving your parents is not just about moving out physically, but also about establishing emotional and psychological independence, so that your spouse does not have to compete with your parents for your loyalty or affection. This means breaking unhealthy codependency, making your spouse your primary human relationship, and learning to seek advice without needing approval. Healthy boundaries with parents allow you to honor them while building your own family traditions and making decisions as a couple, strengthening trust and unity in your marriage. [16:06]
Ephesians 5:31 (ESV)
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Reflection: Are there areas where your parents’ opinions or expectations still influence your marriage decisions? What is one step you can take this week to establish healthier boundaries?
Day 3: Reordering Relationships—Letting Go of Other People
Marriage requires a reordering of all other relationships, including friendships, siblings, and especially past romantic connections, so that your spouse becomes your closest companion and confidant. Some friendships and relationships are only meant for a season—like scaffolding in a building project—and must be released or redefined to protect and nurture your marriage. Letting go of unhealthy attachments, avoiding comparison traps, and refusing to let anyone else take priority over your spouse are essential steps in cultivating a strong, lasting union. [34:49]
Proverbs 13:20 (ESV)
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Reflection: Is there a friendship or past relationship that you need to release or redefine to better honor your marriage? What practical boundary can you set today?
Day 4: Healing from the Past—Leaving Baggage Behind
Every person brings some form of baggage into marriage, whether from previous relationships, family wounds, or unresolved issues, but true oneness requires addressing and healing from these past problems. Ignoring or suppressing old grievances, grief, or guilt only allows them to fester and damage your current relationship, while honest confession, forgiveness, and sometimes professional help are necessary for freedom and growth. By choosing to deal with your past, you make room for trust, intimacy, and a healthier future together. [42:22]
Philippians 3:13-14 (ESV)
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Reflection: What is one unresolved issue or hurt from your past that you need to address or seek help for, so it no longer hinders your marriage?
Day 5: The Power of Forgiveness and Confession
Unforgiven grievances, unresolved grief, and hidden guilt can destroy a marriage from the inside out, but God offers healing through confession, transparency, and forgiveness. Choosing to forgive—whether it’s your spouse, yourself, or someone from your past—breaks the power of resentment and shame, allowing you to move forward in freedom and renewed intimacy. God’s promise is that if we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse us, making restoration possible in even the most broken places. [49:39]
1 John 1:9 (ESV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Reflection: Is there a grievance, grief, or guilt you need to bring into the light—either to God, your spouse, or a trusted counselor—so that healing and restoration can begin?
Quotes
You also have no obligation to anyone who is toxic or poisonous or abusive in your life, including parents, children, or siblings. You do not have any obligation to stay connected to people that are toxic. Amen. Amen. You don't. Do not be manipulated or tricked into that thinking. Amen. Amen. If you're toxic, I'm cutting you off. [00:16:10] (25 seconds)
Stop comparing and start cultivating. Watch your own relationship. And I pray that as you cultivate, it will grow. Now, it doesn't always work. Right? I understand that. But you do the best you can to stop comparing and start cultivating. Marriage takes priority over everything and everyone else except your relationship with God. [00:33:09] (27 seconds)
If you want to join and become one, you got to leave past problems. Your marriage, hear me, it's going to have enough problem of its own without you dragging in all the ones from your past to make it worse. Amen. And by the way, we all bring baggage in. That's not even debatable, right? But you got to let go of past problems to the best of your ability. [00:39:29] (23 seconds)
Wherever you go, there you are. Amen. If you don't deal with it, you're just going to drag it with you to the next church, to the next marriage, to your next dating relationship, to your next friendship, to your next job. [00:41:04] (20 seconds)
There's only one solution. Confession and transparency to others and forgiveness from God. By the way, these two things work together. 1 John 1 and 9 says, if we confess our sins, He's faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purifies from all unrighteousness. [00:49:21] (18 seconds)
Chatbot
-
I'm an AI bot trained specifically on the sermon from May 19, 2025. Do you have any questions about it?