Aligning Our Will with God's Love and Compassion

 

Summary

In our journey through Dallas Willard's "Renovation of the Heart," we delve into the complexities of the human will and its inclination towards duplicity when alienated from God. The will, often overlooked in psychological discussions, plays a crucial role in our spiritual and emotional health. When disconnected from God, our will tends to deceive, leading us to act contrary to our true feelings and thoughts. This self-deception is a common reason many seek therapy, as we struggle to understand ourselves and expect others to explain us to ourselves.

Our pride often traps us between desire and fear, leading us to conceal our true intentions to avoid the consequences of being known. This duplicity is not only personal but pervasive in society, where institutions and individuals frequently engage in deceit. In relationships, this self-deception manifests as a spouse being blind to their own faults, which their partner can clearly see. The challenge lies in overcoming our defensiveness to accept insights from those who know and love us best.

The recent incident at the Oscars, where Will Smith reacted impulsively, highlights how our splintered wills and emotions can surface unexpectedly. This event serves as a reminder of the human condition, where even in a perfect society, we are prone to wrongdoing due to our inherent sinfulness. The discussion shifts to empathy and compassion, with empathy often being biased and limited to our in-group. Compassion, however, involves willing the good for others, transcending mere emotional empathy.

To cultivate compassion, we must first experience God's love, which enables us to extend love to others. By becoming students of others, we can better understand their desires and contribute to their well-being. This journey towards compassion is a quest to align our will with God's love, seeking joy in loving others as He loves us.

Key Takeaways:

1. The human will, when alienated from God, tends towards duplicity and self-deception, leading us to act contrary to our true feelings and thoughts. This self-deception is a common reason many seek therapy, as we struggle to understand ourselves. [01:06]

2. Our pride often traps us between desire and fear, leading us to conceal our true intentions to avoid the consequences of being known. This duplicity is pervasive in society, where institutions and individuals frequently engage in deceit. [02:01]

3. In relationships, self-deception manifests as a spouse being blind to their own faults, which their partner can clearly see. Overcoming defensiveness to accept insights from those who know and love us best is a significant challenge. [04:59]

4. The recent incident at the Oscars highlights how our splintered wills and emotions can surface unexpectedly, reminding us of our inherent sinfulness and the need for compassion over mere empathy. [06:47]

5. To cultivate compassion, we must first experience God's love, enabling us to extend love to others. By understanding others' desires, we can contribute to their well-being, aligning our will with God's love. [12:14]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:33] - Introduction to the Lenten Journey
- [00:45] - The Importance of the Will
- [01:06] - Alienation and Duplicity
- [01:36] - Self-Deception and Therapy
- [02:01] - Pride, Desire, and Fear
- [02:29] - Duplicity in Society
- [03:05] - Marital Self-Deception
- [04:59] - Defensiveness in Relationships
- [06:47] - The Oscars Incident and Human Nature
- [08:07] - Empathy vs. Compassion
- [09:46] - Bias in Empathy
- [10:26] - Tragedy vs. Tabloid
- [11:05] - Cultivating Compassion
- [12:14] - Aligning with God's Love

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
1. Romans 7:15-20 - Discusses the struggle with doing what we do not want to do, highlighting the conflict within the human will.
2. James 1:14-15 - Talks about how desire leads to sin, which aligns with the sermon’s discussion on pride and fear.
3. 1 John 4:19 - "We love because he first loved us," which supports the sermon’s emphasis on experiencing God's love to cultivate compassion.

Observation Questions:
1. According to the sermon, how does the human will tend to behave when alienated from God? ([01:06])
2. What example from the sermon illustrates the concept of self-deception in relationships? ([04:59])
3. How did the recent incident at the Oscars serve as an example of splintered wills and emotions? ([06:47])
4. What distinction does the sermon make between empathy and compassion? ([08:07])

Interpretation Questions:
1. How does Romans 7:15-20 relate to the sermon’s discussion on the duplicity of the human will?
2. In what ways does James 1:14-15 help us understand the sermon’s point about pride trapping us between desire and fear? ([02:01])
3. How does the sermon suggest we can overcome self-deception in our relationships? ([04:59])
4. What role does experiencing God's love play in cultivating compassion, according to the sermon? ([12:14])

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a time when your will was divided, leading you to act contrary to your true feelings. How can you address this duplicity in your life? ([01:06])
2. In what ways can you become more open to receiving insights from those who know and love you best, especially in your closest relationships? ([04:59])
3. How can you practice compassion over mere empathy in your daily interactions, especially with those outside your immediate circle? ([08:07])
4. Identify a specific area in your life where pride traps you between desire and fear. What steps can you take to surrender this to God? ([02:01])
5. How can you intentionally experience God's love this week to better extend love and compassion to others? ([12:14])
6. Think of someone whose desires you want to understand better. What practical steps can you take to become a student of their needs and contribute to their well-being? ([12:14])
7. Reflect on the recent incident at the Oscars. How can you apply the lessons from this event to manage your own emotions and reactions in challenging situations? ([06:47])

Devotional

Day 1: The Will's Deceptive Nature
When the human will is disconnected from God, it often leads to duplicity and self-deception. This disconnection causes individuals to act in ways that contradict their true feelings and thoughts, creating a gap between who they are and who they present themselves to be. This internal conflict is a common reason people seek therapy, as they struggle to understand their own motivations and behaviors. The journey to self-awareness and authenticity begins with recognizing this duplicity and seeking to align one's will with God's truth. [01:06]

Jeremiah 17:9-10 (ESV): "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 'I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.'"

Reflection: In what areas of your life do you find yourself acting contrary to your true feelings and thoughts? How can you invite God into these areas to bring about greater authenticity?


Day 2: The Trap of Pride
Pride often traps individuals between desire and fear, leading them to conceal their true intentions to avoid the consequences of being known. This duplicity is not only a personal struggle but is also pervasive in society, where deceit is common among institutions and individuals. Recognizing the role of pride in one's life is crucial to overcoming this trap and moving towards a more honest and transparent existence. [02:01]

Proverbs 16:18-19 (ESV): "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud."

Reflection: Consider a recent situation where pride led you to hide your true intentions. How might humility have changed your response, and how can you practice humility in similar situations in the future?


Day 3: Overcoming Defensiveness in Relationships
In relationships, self-deception often manifests as a spouse being blind to their own faults, which their partner can clearly see. The challenge lies in overcoming defensiveness and being open to insights from those who know and love us best. This openness requires vulnerability and a willingness to accept constructive criticism, which can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships. [04:59]

James 1:19-20 (ESV): "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Reflection: Think of a recent disagreement with a loved one. How can you approach future conversations with a more open and receptive heart, willing to listen and learn from their perspective?


Day 4: Compassion Over Empathy
The incident at the Oscars serves as a reminder of how our splintered wills and emotions can surface unexpectedly, highlighting the need for compassion over mere empathy. While empathy is often biased and limited to our in-group, compassion involves willing the good for others, transcending emotional empathy. Cultivating compassion requires experiencing God's love and extending that love to others, seeking to understand their desires and contribute to their well-being. [06:47]

Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV): "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

Reflection: Identify someone outside your usual circle of empathy. How can you extend compassion to them today, seeking their good and understanding their needs?


Day 5: Aligning with God's Love
To cultivate compassion, one must first experience God's love, which enables them to extend love to others. By becoming students of others, individuals can better understand their desires and contribute to their well-being. This journey towards compassion is a quest to align one's will with God's love, seeking joy in loving others as He loves us. [12:14]

1 John 4:11-12 (ESV): "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."

Reflection: Reflect on how you can become a student of someone in your life today. What steps can you take to better understand their desires and contribute to their well-being, aligning your actions with God's love?

Quotes


uh dallas writes about how when we're alienated from god, the complexity of the human will moves irresistibly towards duplicity uh in the harmful sense of deception. this is a result of pretending to feel and think one way while acting another you ever do that uh often the deception involved is self-deception. [00:01:06]

our pride will constantly trap us between desire and fear rather than surrender our desire like god wants something i got to just let it go we will do what we want but conceal it because of the fear of consequences of being known. [00:01:48]

say we live in a world where others loved ones institutions of society government and those who running them are with distressing regularity engaged in duplicity deceitfulness and darkness yes they are they're very dark it is and then how often we have to deal with someone whom we know at the moment to be simply working out how he or she is going to mislead us. [00:02:08]

how often do you see a couple where one spouse knows something about the other spouse that that person is blind to about themselves um in all these years i'm doing counseling all of them never a single case i don't think so wow i think that going in my presupposition is the husband will have expertise about the wife and see things about the wife that she won't own or acknowledge or even maybe see about herself. [00:03:16]

and the wife will have similar expertise about the husband and do they receive it from you well yeah it's a moment i have i think i was telling you about this earlier when when i'm pointing out something let's say we're having a a conversation in counseling and i'll say something to the husband about his being stubborn or his being manipulative or trying to be controlling. [00:03:51]

and you know i've somehow gotten the credibility to be able to say that to him and he'll find that helpful and he'll find that useful and wow i have not really seen this about myself that's very self-deception that dallas is writing about there and in the other chair i can see the wife just like almost rolling her eyes and thinking i have been saying this to him. [00:04:16]

and maybe even at times kind of obvious about a person so why is it that we defend ourselves from hearing it from the people who know us the best and maybe even love us the most boy that is just such a hard question and that that that's true that we do defend ourselves like that yeah is just inescapably true my first thought is we are just so defensive. [00:04:57]

and dallas talks about that order of love that uh we love and compassion i take it as a branch of love it's a kind of love we love because he first loved us and so spending time at the beginning experiencing the love of god and receiving that as i'm alone with him as i'm in nature as i read scripture as i'm experiencing that through a good friend and realizing the goodness of being loved. [00:11:26]

and then asking god would you kindle that kind of love in me so that i will get more joy out of extending that love to other people and then i think becoming a student of other people where i'm not simply trying to feel inside myself what is it that they're feeling but i'm asking what do they really desire and how can i contribute to their well-being. [00:12:00]

compassion includes the orientation of the will in compassion i will the good for you so i'm concerned for you compassion actually involves a whole different neural network than empathy does empathy is about emotion i feel what you feel and it's very interesting in watching a story like what we saw with the oscars this last week. [00:08:31]

one of the difficulties with empathy is empathy always carries bias with it as well when i look at somebody who's part of my in-group that looks like me i feel more empathy for them and often leaders will will tell stories of atrocities committed against our in-group and use the empathy people feel towards our in-group to stir up hostility towards the other group. [00:08:56]

let's look at that today let's ask god to help make us more compassionate people and to align our will in that direction. [00:12:24]

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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?