Learning Prayer This Advent: Silence, Listening, Fidelity

Happy New Year! With Advent we step into a new liturgical year and turn our ears toward Matthew. But “new year, new us” only makes sense if becoming “new” means becoming more like Jesus. I was reminded in a recent conversation that self-improvement and faith can’t be separated. For us, human perfection is Christlikeness; there’s no other pattern that actually fulfills the human heart. And if we become like those we spend time with, then the path is clear: we must spend time with Christ in prayer.

Prayer is more than reciting beautiful words; it’s a living dialogue. I had to learn this the hard way. Silence used to terrify me—I’d fill holy hours with books because stillness felt empty. Slowly, the Lord taught me to be still, to speak honestly from my heart, and then to listen. The shift came when I stopped “prettifying” my soul before God and let Him meet me in the raw truth of what I actually felt and feared. He already knows—but He wants to hear it from us.

Listening is not about waiting for a voice from the ceiling. Often it’s a quiet movement, a word, an image, a Scripture that carries a surprising peace. I shared how a simple image—a rusty pickup at daybreak—became a window into God’s steady fidelity and His desire for mine. Of course, not every thought in prayer comes from God. St. Ignatius teaches us to discern by the fruits: the Lord’s voice brings peace and joy; the enemy traffics in fear, shame, and agitation.

A few anchors help. First, prayer is always response. God begins; we receive. Keep Him at the center—if I’m absorbed in myself apart from Him, I’m not really praying. Second, make a place set apart. Sacred space trains the heart to attend. Third, let silence be your teacher. Show up, speak honestly, and listen patiently. And don’t panic about dryness. As many saints note, God sometimes withdraws the felt sweetness so our roots go deeper into Him, the Giver, not merely His gifts. Advent is a grace-filled time to open our hearts—ask boldly, expect faithfully, and let Him prepare you to receive Him more fully at Christmas.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Human perfection is Christlikeness alone. Our deepest flourishing isn’t “a better version of me,” but sharing the very life and likeness of Jesus. Anything less leaves us orbiting ourselves, restless and unsatisfied. Advent invites a re-centering: set your gaze on Christ and let Him define what “better” means. Holiness is union with Him, not self-improvement techniques. [19:46]
• 2. Move from saying to praying. Rote prayers train the heart, but they’re meant to usher us into real conversation. Speak to God as you truly are—unfiltered, honest, specific—and then listen. Let memorized words become a doorway, not a wall. The goal is communion, not performance. [21:20]
• 3. Learn to hear and discern peace. God’s voice in prayer often arrives as a quiet clarity, a word, an image, accompanied by peace and steadiness. Not every thought is from Him; test the spirits. Where fear, shame, and turmoil dominate, resist; where peace and humble courage grow, consent. Practice this discernment and your prayer will deepen. [28:55]
• 4. Make sacred space and show up. Attention follows environment. Create a place reserved for prayer—or go to the adoration chapel—so your heart learns where to listen. Show up consistently, even when nothing “happens.” Presence changes us slowly and truly, like sunlight through a window we didn’t realize was warming the room. [30:40]
• 5. Dry seasons deepen your roots. When consolation fades, God is not absent; He’s inviting deeper love for Him rather than for His gifts. Dryness stretches desire, purifies motives, and anchors trust. Stay faithful in the desert—the roots grow where the water truly is. [33:25]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [18:53] - Advent begins; Year A in Matthew
• [19:46] - Human perfection: becoming like Christ
• [20:47] - Learning prayer, not just saying prayers
• [21:48] - Prayer as two-way conversation
• [22:11] - Facing silence before the Lord
• [23:41] - Bring your heart honestly to God
• [25:41] - “Lord, how do You see me?”
• [26:50] - The pickup truck and fidelity
• [28:55] - Discernment: peace versus fear
• [29:33] - God initiates; we respond in prayer
• [30:40] - Set apart a place for prayer
• [33:25] - Dryness that deepens our roots
• [35:44] - Advent: open wide and ask big
• [53:24] - Announcement: Hallow Advent challenge

1. Read Matthew 5:48. What does "perfect" mean in light of the claim that human perfection is being like Christ? How does this reshape the idea of "being a better version of myself"? (compare with [19:46])
2. Read John 15:4–5. What images of dependence and fruitfulness are used? Where in your life do you feel most "connected" to Christ, and where most "cut off"?
3. Read Psalm 46:10. How does "Be still" help explain what listening in prayer looks like when words stop and attention remains? (compare with the struggle around silence in prayer [22:11])
4. Recall the pickup-truck image shared about fidelity. Which details in that image pointed to God's faithfulness and to the invited response of showing up? (see [26:50])

1. How does interpreting Matthew 5:48 as Christlikeness change the priorities for personal growth and spiritual disciplines this Advent? (see the claim about human perfection [19:46])
2. If John 15 portrays abiding as the source of fruit, how should that affect the way prayer is understood as a response to God's initiative rather than as primarily self-driven effort? (compare with the point that God initiates prayer [29:33])
3. According to Ignatian discernment noted in the talk, what practical tests (fruit of peace vs. fear/shame) should be applied when a thought or image arises in prayer before assuming it is from God? (see [28:55])
4. How should the "dryness" of prayer be interpreted: as spiritual failure, or as a refining gift that deepens roots? What biblical or pastoral markers distinguish one from the other? (compare with the dryness reflection [33:25])

1. Where are you aiming for "a better version" of yourself rather than for Christlikeness? Pick one area (speech, anger, generosity, patience, etc.) and name one concrete habit to re-center that growth on Jesus this Advent. ([19:46])
2. List the people, habits, and media that shape you most. Which of these draw you toward Christ, and which draw you away? Choose one change you will make this week to increase time spent with Christ (e.g., move a device-free hour, go to adoration, join a prayer group). ([20:22])
3. Recall a recent prayer when you edited or "prettified" what you felt. Plan a short prayer this week where you will speak plainly and rawly to God about that issue. When will you do it, and what will you say first? ([24:25])
4. Commit to one time this week to sit in silence in a place set apart for prayer (a corner at home, a chapel, or another quiet spot). How long will you sit, and what will you do when the urge to escape silence comes? ([30:40])
5. The next time an image, word, or thought arises in prayer, practice the Ignatian test: sit with it and notice whether it brings peace, joy, and courage or fear, shame, and agitation. Describe one small decision this week where you will use that test before acting. ([28:55])
6. If prayer feels dry this week, list three small faithful actions you will keep doing (e.g., same prayer time, reading one verse, lighting a candle). How will you remind yourself that dryness can deepen roots rather than signal abandonment? ([33:25])
7. Write down one "big" request to bring to God this Advent—something you will ask boldly and expectantly. When will you bring it to prayer and who, if anyone, will hold you accountable to keep asking? ([35:44])