Active Love: Foundations for Lasting Relationships
Summary
In our journey through life and marriage, we must recognize that the foundation of any great relationship, be it friendship or marriage, is built on healthy practices and actions, not solely on strong emotions. Emotions can fluctuate, but it is the consistent, demonstrable behaviors that sustain a relationship over the long term. This truth is vividly illustrated in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, which provides us with a blueprint for love that is active and intentional.
Love, as described in this passage, is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. These are not mere adjectives but verbs, actions that we must engage in to truly love our spouses as God loves us.
Kindness, for instance, is a powerful force within a relationship. It is the thoughtful consideration of our spouse's needs and the deliberate action to meet those needs. Kindness is not a sign of weakness but a determined posture in life. It is about prioritizing the welfare of our spouse, which can manifest in simple acts like checking in with them before heading home or expressing gratitude for the everyday things they do.
Another aspect of love is patience, which involves moving at someone else's pace rather than pressuring them to meet ours. It's about choosing to do less than we are capable of to stay in step with our partner. This could mean being patient with their pace of conversation, understanding, decision-making, or spiritual growth.
Furthermore, love is not rude. It is the opposite of being impolite or inconsiderate. Being polite, courteous, and honorable shows that we value and respect our spouse. It's about being alert to their sensitivities and feelings, and it's a way to honor them within the marriage.
Lastly, we must remember that love is not envious, boastful, or arrogant. These attitudes can destroy healthy relationships, as seen in the biblical example of King Saul's envy towards David. Instead, we should publicly praise our spouses, especially when they are not around, to build them up and strengthen our marriage.
In summary, love is an action. It is patient, kind, and considerate. It values and honors the other person, and it is devoid of envy, boasting, and arrogance. By embodying these practices, we reflect God's love in our marriages and set an example for the world around us.
Key Takeaways:
- Love is patient, which means it willingly moves at the pace of the other person without pressure or frustration. Patience in love is a decision to align our steps with our spouse's, demonstrating that we value their process and timing as much as our own. This patience is a testament to the depth of our commitment and love. [10:10]
- Kindness in marriage is about actively considering and responding to our spouse's needs. It is a powerful and transformative force that can change the atmosphere of a relationship. Kindness is not weakness; it is a determined choice to act in love, even in small ways, which can have a profound impact on the health of the marriage. [21:10]
- Politeness and honor are not outdated concepts but essential elements of a loving relationship. They are ways we show our spouse that we value and respect them. By being considerate and mindful of our spouse's feelings, we create an environment of mutual respect and honor, which is foundational for a strong and enduring marriage. [35:28]
- Envy, boasting, and arrogance are the "Unholy Trinity" of relationships that can lead to their downfall. Instead, we should focus on celebrating our spouse's successes and strengths, both in their presence and absence. This practice of affirmation not only strengthens the bond but also fosters a positive environment where both partners can thrive. [30:39]
- The ultimate model for love in our marriages is the way God loves us. By receiving and understanding God's love, we are filled with the capacity to love our spouses with the same patience, kindness, and respect. Our marriages should be a reflection of God's love, demonstrating to the world the transformative power of a love that is rooted in divine example. [40:30]
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
2. Proverbs 15:1
3. Matthew 5:43-45
#### Observation Questions
1. According to 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, what are the characteristics of love that Paul describes? How are these characteristics demonstrated as actions rather than feelings?
2. In the sermon, what example did Pastor Charlie give to illustrate the concept of patience in love? ([10:10])
3. How does Proverbs 15:1 relate to the idea of kindness in relationships as discussed in the sermon? ([24:38])
4. What does Matthew 5:43-45 teach us about how we should treat our enemies, and how does this apply to our relationships, especially in marriage? ([26:00])
#### Interpretation Questions
1. Why does Paul emphasize that love is patient and kind in 1 Corinthians 13:4? How do these actions contribute to the health of a relationship?
2. How can the practice of publicly praising your spouse, especially when they are not around, strengthen a marriage? ([33:56])
3. What are the potential consequences of envy, boasting, and arrogance in a relationship, as illustrated by the story of King Saul and David? ([31:19])
4. How does the concept of being polite and honoring your spouse, as discussed in the sermon, reflect the biblical teaching of love? ([35:28])
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent situation where you were impatient with your spouse or a close friend. How could you have demonstrated patience in that moment? ([10:10])
2. Think of a small act of kindness you can do for your spouse this week. How can you make this a regular practice in your relationship? ([21:10])
3. Identify a time when you felt envious or boastful in your relationship. How can you shift your focus to celebrating your spouse's successes instead? ([30:39])
4. Consider how you communicate with your spouse. Are there ways you can be more polite and considerate in your interactions? What specific changes can you make? ([35:28])
5. How can you incorporate the practice of publicly praising your spouse into your daily routine? Share an example of something you can praise them for this week. ([33:56])
6. Reflect on the way God loves us with patience, kindness, and respect. How can you model this divine love in your marriage or close relationships? ([40:30])
7. Think of a person who tests your patience. What is a short prayer you can say before the next time you interact with that person to help you demonstrate love and patience? ([14:04])
Devotional
Day 1: Embracing Patience in Love
Patience is a conscious alignment with our spouse's rhythm. It is the decision to walk alongside them, respecting their pace in conversation, understanding, decision-making, or spiritual growth. This patience is not passive; it is an active choice that reflects a deep commitment to the relationship. It is about suppressing the urge to rush or pressure, instead providing a supportive space for our partner to flourish in their own time. This kind of patience is a testament to the depth of our love and commitment, as it puts the needs and comfort of our spouse before our own desires for speed or efficiency.
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." - Ephesians 4:2
Reflection: How can you demonstrate patience with your spouse today in a way that shows your respect for their pace and process?
Day 2: Kindness as a Transformative Power
Kindness in marriage goes beyond mere pleasantries; it is an intentional and proactive approach to meeting our spouse's needs. It is the thoughtful consideration of what they need and the deliberate action to provide it. This could be as simple as expressing gratitude for the everyday things they do or checking in with them before making plans. Kindness is a strength, a determined choice to act in love, which can profoundly affect the atmosphere and health of the relationship. It is a transformative force that can change the dynamics of a marriage, creating a positive and nurturing environment where both partners feel valued and cared for.
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." - Colossians 3:12
Reflection: What is one act of kindness you can perform for your spouse today that would meet a specific need they have? [21:10]
Day 3: The Essence of Politeness and Honor
Politeness and honor are not antiquated notions but are vital expressions of love in a relationship. They are the ways we show our spouse that we value and respect them. Being considerate and mindful of our partner's feelings and sensitivities is a way to honor them within the marriage. This creates an environment of mutual respect and honor, which is foundational for a strong and enduring relationship. It is about being alert to their needs and feelings, and choosing to act in a way that upholds their dignity and worth.
"Outdo one another in showing honor." - Romans 12:10
Reflection: In what ways can you improve your politeness and honor towards your spouse, especially in moments when it's challenging to do so? [35:28]
Day 4: Celebrating Our Spouse's Successes
Envy, boasting, and arrogance are destructive forces in relationships, but celebrating our spouse's successes and strengths can have the opposite effect. It is important to affirm and praise our partners, both in their presence and absence. This practice of affirmation not only strengthens the bond but also fosters a positive environment where both partners can thrive. By focusing on their successes and publicly acknowledging their strengths, we contribute to a healthy and supportive marriage dynamic.
"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." - Proverbs 27:2
Reflection: Can you think of a recent success or strength of your spouse that you can celebrate and praise them for today? [30:39]
Day 5: Reflecting God's Love in Marriage
Our marriages should be a reflection of the way God loves us. By understanding and receiving God's love, we are equipped to love our spouses with the same patience, kindness, and respect. This divine example of love is the ultimate model for our relationships, demonstrating to the world the transformative power of a love that is rooted in action and intentionality. When we embody these practices, we not only enrich our own marriages but also set an example for others to follow.
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:8
Reflection: How can your marriage serve as a reflection of God's love to those around you, and what practical step can you take today to demonstrate this? [40:30]
Quotes
- "Love is not just saying 'I love you,' it's demonstrating it. Patience is waiting; it's a decision to move at someone else's pace rather than pressuring them to meet yours." [11:56](Download | Download)
- "Kindness in its simplest idea is thinking of my spouse and their needs more than I think about mine. It's about trying to meet that need; that is kindness." [21:10](Download | Download)
- "Love is patient, what's the next word? Love is kind. You get to see these as verbs, acts of kindness in a relationship." [21:10](Download | Download)
- "Kindness is not weakness. It's a determined posture in life. How am I going to posture my life? Lord, help me to remember the power of kindness." [23:54](Download | Download)
- "The opposite of being rude is being polite, courteous, honorable. It's being alert to the sensitivities and the welfare and feelings of others." [34:42](Download | Download)
- "How do you have a strong marriage without there being honor and valuing the other person? It's rude to force your way or viewpoint on others." [35:28](Download | Download)
- "Imagine your spouse is some international celebrity. I'm going to start acting accordingly, bringing the best version of myself because they are valued and important." [39:13](Download | Download)
- "We can't force anything, but Lord, I can start praying and believing and trusting you. Don't underestimate the power of one of the partners in the relationship praying." [19:58](Download | Download)
- "Communicating to understand, not to win an argument, is crucial. If she doesn't feel like we're communicating to understand, she's hearing 'you don't care about me.'" [18:35](Download | Download)
- "Keep doing the right thing, keep a pure heart, stay humble, serve each other with no strings attached. We have control over ourselves, not over how someone else behaves." [20:34](Download | Download)
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