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Here's how you know the difference. Ask yourself, does this relationship make me smaller or does it stretch me to grow? Does it challenge me? Does conflict reveal character or does it create chaos? Third question, am I being challenged to become more like Jesus Christ or am I being damaged? Marriage and relationships are supposed to be hard because we're challenging each other to grow to becoming more and more like Jesus Christ, not less and less of a person so that I can have my selfish way. There's a difference. Right?